Sweet 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sweet Havana Ruby is 16! I say it frequently, but how does time move by so quickly? That Havana, like her sister, will soon be an adult is too hard to fathom. I am comforted that we have two more years with her in the house and I am grateful that Havana is still young. Havana is both young at heart and sometimes young in how she shows up in the world but at the same time, she has an old soul. Watching her teeter in both spaces is a curious thing to witness. Sometimes I feel like her teenage years are bit more challenging for her and yet, she is moving forward in her own way, with her own inner compass guiding her.

Havana often has deep wisdom that she will share when she feels like it or when she is annoyed with you. Her truth, while sometimes delivered a bit harsh, is usually spot on. She is smart and sharp and has good advice about things and people. And then, there is the teetering; when her younger self is present and I have to take things she expressed with a deep breath or a grain of salt. But no matter how Havana is showing up, I cherish all of her. She reminds me a lot of myself at this age, which is both difficult but also allows me to understand her-somewhat more. 

With a little more self-determination, Havana will do many great things. I have started to witness that there is the need for her to push herself more, while at the same time, she knows her limits, energetically and physically, and will set boundaries for what she and can not do. Havana knows when she needs to decompress, reset and recharge. I am reassured that at her age, she knows her limits. That said, there are times, I know Havana could step forward more in her life but being a teenager can impede that.

Havana continues to be the cat whisperer. That will probably not change. She is looking forward to some cat sitting jobs this summer.

Havana has a sense of style and a good sense of fashion dos/don'ts. I often defer to her on what looks good and what doesn't. She has taken to 'borrowing' my jewelry (she takes without asking but she does put it back!), which I get a kick out of. I am told often how much of a hippie I am, with no real sense of style but I guess my earrings, bracelets and rings are good enough for this finicky teen.

Havana has a small but sweet group of friends. I have long encouraged both of the girls to keep close to those who you feel connected to; that you don't need many friends but a few real, authentic people in your life will be much more fulfilling and meaningful. Havana has some life long friendships and some newer ones that are meaningful to her. She is a thoughtful friend, always has been. She is kind and giving and her humor has only grown. Havana is ver funny, sharp and quick witted. 

Havana and her sister have gotten closer as they have gotten older. Like all siblings, there are some knock down, drag out moments but more often I will hear them in each other's rooms, making plans, sharing outfit ideas, asking for input on outfits, conspiring how to get concert tickets and so much more. They love to go thrifting together and they are addicted to Boba, with Havana often getting Amara to take her to get some after school. Amara complains at times about being Havana's chauffeur but it is quite endearing, the two of them going out together and doing things or meeting friends. Their relationship is sweet, solid and strong. I love that for them. I am have some concerns what Havana will do when big sis goes to UO next year. We are already making plans for her to fly up and visit. I am most thankful for modern technology and things like FaceTime so they can stay connected. But the adjustment is going to be a significant one for Havana. I hope she will lean into more school activities or outside hobbies that will offer healthy outlets. I will also be keeping her as close as she will let me.

Havana has been the rainbow in my life. Since birth she has been a joyful gem. Her teen years have brought in some cloudy moments but that is part of this development period. I sometimes wonder if Havana has yet to fully she herself in all the gloriousness of who she is. Probably not. Most of don't until much later in life but I do hope that her confidence grows, that she will always be kind and compassionate towards herself and know that she is a rainbow. She lights up my life and those around her.

Happy Sixteenth to my Havana Ruby Modesta.

18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Amara is 18!

18! 

18!

I can't even digest that.

18 years ago, Amara graced my life with her 9 lb 2 oz self and has been my shadow ever since.

I have loved her being my shadow.

I have loved watching her grow. 

I have loved watching her zest for life.

I have loved witnessing her passions develop.

I have loved having a front seat to her see her talents emerge.

I have not always loved the harder moments. 

The ones where she struggled and I was clueless.

I did not have good mothering but I strived to be to Amara what I did not have.

I pray it was good enough.

She was and is her own wise and strong self. 

She is, and always has been, an old soul in her teeny self.

Amara has always been thoughtful and kind. Sometimes taking too much on.

I hope she learns to let things go, as well as others stuff that is not hers.

Amara is magical and creative.

Amara is hardworking and a perfectionist.

I hope she learns to find balance with rest and play and that realizes sooner in life than later, that true riches come from a happy heart, tons of laughter and being awakened to her true self and her connection to all of creation.

My days blogging about Amara will mostly cease after this summer. I have two more years with Havana so I am sure she will be present in posts but this blog has been about their childhood; highlighting their adventures, capturing their magical adventures and travels, sharing stories about their mother so they can better know who she is and having a place to look back and she what their childhood was like. Memories fade but these photos and words will be their living document of the life of my two small gems.

Here are some glimpses of Amara's life before she turned 18.

High School Graduation

I can't even begin to describe all the feelings I have been having about Amara graduating high school last week Friday. So many emotions. I feel sad. I feel excited. I feel grumpy. I feel nervous. I feel thrilled. Mostly though, I just can't believe my Amara Pearl Josephine has graduated high school, is turning 18 in a few short days and will soon leave the nest and fly north, towards Oregon.

Millions, billions, of humans have walked this path before me and yet I feel alone in my experience. I do take some comfort that others know what it feels like and still I feel like I am having my own unique experience. This time reminds me of the days before Amara was born. Back then, a wise person told me, "You can't prepare for parenthood, no matter how hard you try. Until your child is born and you walk through the door of parenthood, you can not know what it is like." 

That is how I have felt about Amara moving into adulthood. I have known it was coming. I have all these feelings and yet, until it happened in front of my eyes last week, I was not truly prepared.

Something has shifted these past few days. Just like the my baby girl is now an adult. I still long for the days when she was teeny tiny. I wish I could go back to even a few hours of her toddler years and push her on the swing at the park. Yet those longings have subsided these past days. Now I see Amara more as an adult and like all the developmental stages that have passed, I can see that this next phase of her life will bring great and wonderful things. 

Happy High School Graduation to my Amara Pearl Josephine.

Senior Prom

 

Senior Prom. A rite of passage. 

Amara had planned and prepared for this nite for months prior.

The perfect dress was found. (She was stunning.)

The nails were done. (She finally got her gel extensions.)

Her hair was styled in just the way she hoped.

Her date was her friend Julia.

She went with one of her friend groups. 

It was so sweet to see them, all dressed up for their big event.

They danced, laughed and had fun (all this through second hand account.)

Amara. Senior Prom. 

The end of high school coming quickly.

This rite of passage, a doorway to the end and a new beginning.

Istanbul

On our way to Uganda we had a 24 hour lay over in Istanbul. We opted to go into the city for a short visit, knowing that time would be more rest and recharge. Exploring the city with the girls would come on the return leg of our journey, when we would  spend 3 days in the city. Amara and I did walk to the Grand Bazar, since it was so close to our house and she did try some chestnuts, while Havana was sound asleep in the room. But mostly we took it easy during that short stay.

I won’t go much into how our bags were delayed by Turkish Airlines going and coming to Uganda. At least going we got them the next day. On the way home, well, we picked them up at the airport the day we were heading home. The no clothing, no personal items except what was in our day packs gave us permission to go shopping in Istanbul. Shopping was on the girls radar from the minute we started planning but we did not think we would have to do that much retail tourism!

The second day there (we were also delayed hours getting there so we lost the first day), we went to Ikalal Street. I had missed that one my visit in 2023 so it was a chance to do something new together. We walked the street for 6 hours! If we did not make all the stops we did, including getting Amara a veggie burger (which was delish), the girls getting haircuts and going into countless stores, we could have walked the full length in an hour. But, we did make all the stops. The goal was to get to the end, where there was the Galata Bridge so Havana and I could get the famous fish sandwiches (which I had missed out last time too so it would be another shared new experience). Amara got her lunch, while Havana and I’s tummy’s grumbled louder and louder as the day wore on. But we were determined to wait. Being able to quality clothing, at very good prices including jeans that actually fit there 5’2” and 5’3” little selves, was worth the stopping. We also picked up some souvenirs for friends and family, and a few for ourselves. The day was a bit cool but with the sun shining on us and the careless street that eventually turned cobblestone, it made a fun and productive day. When we finally got our fish sandwiches, it was well worth the wait. Havana and I are still talking about “the best fish sandwiches.”

After all that walking and shopping, Havana opted to chill in our room later that afternoon, while Amara and I went for a Turkish Bath. I had explained how it worked but she was still a bit surprised, shy maybe and unsure. But we were put in a room together and it made for a very special mom and daughter experience. 

On our third day, we planned for cultural experiences. We visited the Sofia and Blue Mosque and went back to the Grand Bazaar. There were many more things we could have done but walking the streets casually, stopping in some smaller mosques and walking the narrow streets,seemed enough for us. Amara and I went back to see the Blue Mosque that night, it was 10 minutes walking from our hotel, and that was well worth the easy effort. (Havana needed time to recoup by herself.)

Both girls were very respectful of their cultural visits, buying scarfs to cover their heads. Scarfs that took a long time to find because they had to get ‘the right one.’ And they did choose well!

In Istanbul there are many, many stray and housed cats that are well cared for. That was a highlight, to see all the cats. Havana, our cat whisperer many some new feline friends and both got matching t-shirts with cats on it. (And of course, they were sleek and fashionable for teens to wear!)

By the time we headed back to the airport to go home, I think we were ready to go leave. We had a long flight ahead of use and we were ready to go home and rest before resuming our school and work lives. The girls overall were great travelers and it was sweet to see them grow closer during our time away. 

My heart is full of gratitude that we were able to embark on such an adventure. We were on 3 continents in 3 weeks and we were left with incredible memories, expanded hearts and hopefully appreciation for all we have and all experienced.

The girls school has something called mini-term late each winter. There is a week when the students get to pick from different trips and activities for that week that are specialized. There are local trips that include backpacking or visits to science museums or art museums. There have been bike riding trips and there are trips that require getting on a plane. When Amara was a sophomore, she went to London for a week to learn about Shakespeare. This year, Amara was chosen for the trip to China. She spent 9 days with classmates going to Beijing and other places. She visited the Great Wall, the Forbidden City and saw the Terracotta Soldiers. They spent a day at a local school, with Chinese students and time volunteering at a Panda sanctuary, getting up close to the gentle giants. 

Amara reported they had a lot of delicious food. Being one of three vegetarians, the organizes made sure she was more than well fed (although she did say breakfast was sketchy but lunch and dinners were also good). She walked the streets and made new friends with students from school that she did not know previously. Amara is an adventurous, curious and wise young lady who makes the most of the opportunities presented to her or gifted to her. China was no exception. She came home full of stories about her experiences as well as having mastered chopsticks. (She has used them since she was a little girl but now she is a “master.”)

Havana opted not to apply for this trip as she hopes to do next years to Europe. I hope that happens for her. I love that the girls share many things but have their own individual interests as well.

When it comes to travel, I am grateful they both are open to explore new places. That they are flexible and adapt to new places and cultures easily and love seeing the world beyond their own daily lives.