Fall Follies

 

Other than being on strike for ten long weeks this fall, there were some other major highlights and memorable moments for our family.

Just before the summer officially ended, Havana had surgery to remove her tonsils. She had been having pain in her throat for a very, very long time. We saw the surgeon late last Spring and by that time, with all the summer plans made, we decided to wait until early September. We figured 2 weeks out of school would not be so terrible since Havana was not keen on return to Stewart. Who knew she'd be in a new school (and did not want to miss so much time from studies and friends) and that I'd be on strike for ten long weeks. That crazy thing was that I would be on the picket line before and during her surgery and that would be a day of bargaining. While Havana was upstairs in the OR at Oakland, I was downstairs on the line, with headphones in, trying to stay engaged to the half-baked negotiations that Kaiser was pretending to be doing.

Thankfully, the surgery went well. Two weeks of post-op rest was no walk in the park. But Havana is a warrior and she made it through. It was very hard however, to see my girl just pre-op. I said my prayers to the Great Creator, to keep her safe and, give thanks, all went well.

My spiritual teacher/mother, Bella once said to me, "If you knew what was going to happen, yo would not leave the house." That has proven true too many times to count.

While those two events  were quite a bit taxing, we had some wonderful moments as well. Last Spring, my bio dad told me about a half sister (from my grandfather's side) that I did not know about (well I did find out about 2 years ago but could not find her without his input and it was not until this year that he felt comfortable sharing it). Long story short, I found her and and we have been in touch since April. This Fall, when my Tia traveled to Las Vegas from Key West with some of her family, I joined them. It was a bittersweet reunion. My aunt Martha is a lovely, warm, kind, funny and adventurous person. I had picked up on these qualities before met and in person, she was even more solid and down to earth. I was left feel deeply, deeply thankful to have her in my life but equally as angry that no one told me about her until now. I am going to hold tight to this relationship and plan on bringing the family to Florida soon so they too can get to know Tia Martha.

Also, this Fall, the whole family went to see Elton John for his farewell tour. It was Amara's second concert but Havana's first. We were literally in the nose bleeds; the last row! But, we could see him on the screen and hear his unmistakable, powerhouse voice, clearly through the speakers. I really wanted the girls to experience a musical legend such as Elton John and I too, wanted to hear him live. It was a great night for all.

During the strike, I had volunteered to do attend some political events to help garner support for our cause. I got to meet some interesting political figures, from the Lt. Governor, to the SF city attorney and eventually the Mayor Sacramento, who meditated to help us finally settle the contact. I normally don't give a crap about public figures or celebrities. I care about who a person is. But; when I got to meet Speak Pelosi, that was something different. She is not only one of the most powerful people in the US government but when I heard her speak (and later than got to speak with her, to thank her for sending a letter to the Kaiser CEO on our behalf), I knew she was a woman with a kind, generous heart and a spine of steel. A warrior. It was an honor to meet her. I might not agree with all her policies but overall, she is one solid sister. What a special opportunity.   

The strike meant a lot of new experiences. The other stand out was participating in a die-in, in front of Kaiser headquarters. I had never heard of this form of civil action and I had no idea what would be it's impact. Well, Kaiser was not pleased, calling it a 'scorch the earth' tactic in a public statement to the media. I was left proud of our action.

at the die-in

This Fall also meant another year around the sun for me. The family made it a special day but perhaps the most touching thing was that my friend Mike and his wife Noelle (they are more like family), sent 3 dozen New York bagels from our favorite bagel shop, Murray's Bagels. OMG! There went my diet! But it was so worth it. We ate bagels for weeks. (nothing like taking a frozen NY bagel out, putting it the oven for few minutes.) On my actual birthday, well it got off to a rocky start (I'll just say, teenagers in the house) but then we headed up to Petaluma for thrifting and an impromptu dinner with friends (at a place called, what else, New York Pizza!) It was a warm, sunny day, which I was so appreciative of. With so much time and energy going into the strike, it was nice to take a break from it all. The girls love thrifting, I love the North Bay, Don likes to go to new places. It really was a sweet day.

at a gallery/gift shop in Petaluma.

This Fall, our niece and the girls cousin, Jenny, turned 50. We celebrated her milestone day down in Santa Cruz, cheering her on, as she completed her first triathlon. It was inspiring and an honor to share the day with Jenny, who is a remarkable person and someone that we love and respect deeply. The other highlight of the day was that the girls got to spend quality, fun time with their Aunt Judy, Uncle Tim and cousins Ben and Theo (Jenny's boys). We even had a sleep out at Tio/Tia's the night before. Havana made a lasagna that became legend by the time Thanksgiving rolled around.

On the topic of Thanksgiving, (or as I call it 'Save the Turkey Day'), we gathered at Edd/Janet's with much of the Coughlin clan. There were a few missing sadly,  but it was very nice to be with family in person again. The cousins, both young and old, had a great time hanging out, playing games, telling jokes and breaking bread together. Some special memories were made for sure.

And now, we are almost into the first official days of winter. It has been cold. Cold enough for there to be frost warnings. Cold enough to have to start the car in the morning before you get in. But as we approach yet another change in season, I am thankful all that we have gone through; the hard, the challenging, the good, the memorable. This life, it is both a school and a playground. I am thankful we have the chance to experience it all.

    

Trick or Treat (Halloween 2022)

For the first time since the girls we little, our favorite holiday, Halloween, had a little less pizazz.  And that felt a tad bit sad.

Amara is a sophomore in high school, Havana a middle schooler. They are more concerned with hanging out with friends than hanging out in a pumpkin patch. Sure, they into their costume designing and decorating the front yard with creepy goblins, coffins, and skeletons. But when it came down to Halloween night, Havana opted last minute to stay near her school, to do trick or treating with school pals (and that meant she did not have her awesome parking cone costume with her and no photos this year). Amara ended with just two friends, trick or treating in our neighborhood, without any adults.

In years past, we have a half a dozen or so kids gather, eat pizza and then head out for a couple of hours of sugar hunting. Every year, from the time they were months old, Don and I would be with the girls,  knocking on doors in the beginning, to staying back on the side walks when they were old enough to knock themselves, and always walking until our feet hurt. But as I mentioned, things have changed. I have girls that are teens; they are growing and changing; becoming more of who they are, and as they figure that out along the way, it means a shift in some of our family routine. And that meant our favorite holiday looked a little different. Havana did her own thing, Amara doing her thing, and Don and I not even being part of any of it. I am happy for their independence but sad at the same time.  

This all feels bittersweet. I am thankful for the years of sweet memories and I am grateful that my two small gems have a full, rich life, with friends, creative hearts and a love of Halloween that lives on. Even though it looks a little different. 

Back to School (8th & 10th years)

 

Back to school  it that what the title of this blog post says? Isn’t it almost Christmas? What the heck Anjahni? Yes yes yes. The ten week strike that ended at the end of October took almost everything out of me. With my commitment to the bargaining committee, running a hardship fund for those on the picket lines, being on the strike line myself as well as being a steward; all these things took everything out of me for ten long weeks. I’m still recovering. I’ve been thinking about when I would have the energy to get back to the blog and document some of the milestones of my two small gems.  This morning at 5:15 AM I woke up, inspired at last to get to writting. So yes, back to school is this blog post, written in December. 

This August Havana and Amara started 8th and 10th grads respectively. Let's start with Ms Havana as she had a quite a big change.  Havana started school at a new school, The Canyon School. We pulled her out of Montessori family after six grade and put it into a public school for seventh grade. For a multitude of reasons, it just wasn’t a great fit. Teachers left early in the year and never came back, the kids were not kind and a little too grown up for Havana, who operates from a different place.  She started telling us at the end of the last school year that she was refused to return to Steward but we had no choice at that time to let her know she would have to return to the same. school. But at the same time, we put it out to the universe to please find a place for Havana to go to school, if it was for her highest and best good. 

And apparently it was

Two weeks before the start of the school year, I happen to be in front of my computer late one evening, and this email popped up, saying that there was openings at The Canyon School. The Canyon School as a public Montessori/Waldorf style school in Canyon California. It sits in the redwood forest just outside of Moraga. I has put Amara on Caynon's waitlist when she was four years old.  It was not meant to be for Amara but when I saw that they had an opening for 8th grade, I couldn’t believe it.  Canyon is a very coveted school, with only 75 children,  with mixed age classrooms. I immediately sent an email to the school and long story short, two weeks later, Havana was starting school in this precious little school house in the redwood forest. I personally felt so relieved that she was going to be able to finish up her middle school years in a Montessori type setting. I always loved Montessori family school and was sad when we had to leave when Havana finished upper elementary. Returning to a Montessori inspired school felt like the universe supporting Havana in a place where she learns well as well as having closure to finish her last year before high school in this academic environment.

The school, because it is public, adheres to much different standards than the private sector. So we are seeing improvements in area of math and other areas. She did learn a lot in her previous Montessori environment, but math was always lacking and she needed support in other areas as well. Havana could definitely apply herself a little bit more in school and that would help her but this new environment has given the academic structure and lessons to allow her to really move forward.  

While the academics have been up to par, I know that the social environment is equally or more important at this age. Havana’s 6/7/8 classroom has allowed for a bigger pool of friends. The school just happens to be a little bit bigger. There’s eight kids in her grade and 26 total in the class, Havana has found a little group of people and she has told me she feels much more comfortable with the type of students that attend Canyon. She told me “they have hippie moms too.” When I asked questions around what that meant, she told me that the other kids seem down to earth and more approachable. She’s gone out on multiple social outings with her friends after school on weekends and even felt comfortable to have her first sleepover ever. Havana has always done things when she’s ready and apparently this year she was ready to do have a sleepover and having the right school environment with friends that were more aligned with her supported that. We hope that the rest of the year goes smoothly for Havana and that she is well prepared for high school come next fall.

Amara, has started 10th grade, which I can't wrap my head around. She started school with a bang, joining what seems a million clubs and signing up for two art classes, making her schedule quite full. She decided to try out tennis this fall and continues to fill her social circle. She’s learning who her friends are and who aren’t. As Amara comes more into herself, she’s learning more of what she appreciates in others and who she enjoys spending her time with. She is still finding her way with who her peeps are at Bentley but a few girls have remained in her inner-circle and she remains close to her two pals from MFS. Amara is a social person so having a balance between school and social activities is important for her. Even with sports, being on a team, those things nourish Amara.

For Don and I the new year has been an adjustment. Getting Havana to her new school and Amara to her school has been quite the challenge. Tons of driving and with the price of gas over five dollars a gallon, well it’s been hitting us financially as well. I don’t think the kids are able to quite appreciate the sacrifices we are making. I’m seeing that teenagers are very much all about themselves but we do get the occasional thank you and the fact that they are doing well in their respective schools shows, and have healthy social lives, makes it worth it.

As we get close to Christmas and the first here half of the school year coming to close, both girls are very excited about trips in 2023. Amara was selected to go to England in March to study Shakespeare. To say she is excited is an understatement. She’s preparing to do some work over the winter break to help support her trip. 

Havana's school sends the 8th years to Costa Rica for 10 days each May.  The cost is covered by the school but we do have to prepare her mentally and emotionally to travel so far from home for that long. She’s not quite there yet but she’s getting there. I think the fact that she’s been to Costa Rica and she feels so comfortable with her school will support her and making a decision to go. 

So there it is, the back to school blog post completed in December. I trust that the girls will both have  great rest of the school year. And next year Havana goes to high school and Amara will be a junior. I just can’t believe how fast they’ve been growing, how fast the years go by. 

So here’s to the 2022-2023 school year, a little late

Strike

 

I am sitting here in the Sacramento City Hall conference hall, with the Mayor of Sacramento, my union colleagues from our union bargaining committee and Kaiser executives from their bargaining committee. 

What does all this mean? It means that I have been working with my union, as a bargaining committee member since July of 2021. It has been one of the most challenging, stressful, enlightening and brain stretching experiences in many years. As a union steward, I felt I wanted to represent those who in the behemoth Kaiser system need support when Kaiser is not upholding our contract. As a bargaining committee member, I wanted to have a seat at the table for those who are not the majority of clinicians (generalists in mental health), to make sure our needs are met.  I knew Kaiser did not care about patient care, that the bottom line of profits and good public image what their main priority. What I did not know was that they cared so little and were so unconcerned with our issues that they would drag out bargaining for a year, until we went on an open ended strike on August 15th, 2022. 

Myself and my colleagues thought it might last 2-3 weeks. What we did not expect was for Kaiser to try to wait us out, stalling a return to the bargaining committee for 4 weeks, leaving a majority of the 2060 therapists on the strike line, without pay and left with a deepening understanding of how little Kaiser cares for mental health and their therapists. 

The crux of this long fight is that patient access for mental health patients. They have waited up to 8 weeks for return appointments. The other issue is that that therapists do not have enough time to do their work. We have direct patient care and in-direct patient care. There is not enough in-direct patient care. Kaiser has not wanted to budge on our proposal to improve this condition. They are instead focused on the new law, SB221, which our union helped pass. Essentially, the law dedicates that a clinic must be seen within ten business days if the clinician finds it medically necessary. Another law we just helped pass, SB 858, increased violation fines from $2500 to $2500. If the Department of Managed Health enforced this, it would mean significant shift in Kaiser's precious bottom line (which was $8 billion in profit last year, along with $50+ billion in reserves). During one of our last bargaining meetings, Kaiser told me directly that "you passed SB221, you dug your own graves and we are not going forward."  That confirmed my long standing belief that Kaiser was punishing us and that they really don't care about patient care. As health providers and health insurers, they are about providing as little care as possible for maximum profit. They have a non-profit branch but they also have a for profit branch.

Having been part of this process, seeing all of this, it has triggered a deep introspection on what I do and who I want to work for. It has reminded me that these corporate giants are functioning on egos that are deeply wounded are trying to fill their wound with power, money, sex, food, etc. In this case, it is image, money, power. The huge ego of this corporation is evident of a seriously flawed system that is run by individuals trying to fill their wounds, the holes with this power and money. And this is NEVER the best way to run mental health clinics, where we are supporting the healing process of human hearts, souls and minds. 

To say that this experience has changed me, shifted how I life, impacted my family, those in my life, is an understatement. Even now, a month after I started this post, I find it hard to finish it and to post it. We settled the contract, after 10 long weeks but our brothers and sisters in Hawai'i remain on strike, with no end in site. The agreements we made with Kaiser have being delayed with obvious stall tactics.  I returned to a clinic with the same access issues, with patients waiting up to and longer than 6 months to do an intake. But my voice is more solid. My confidence not as wobblily.  My commitment to do the right thing remains steadfast and I am doing what I can to ensure patient's get the care they need/deserve and pay more along with steering them in the direction on how to self-advocate. This process, working in this system, has shown me that this is they was capitalism, that health care and profits should not go in the same sentence and how reminded me just how spiritually bankrupt we are as a culture. 

Not only did I and my colleagues, along with thousands of patients pay the price of being out for 10 weeks, my family and the families of my colleagues suffered as well. The sacrifice I made to bargain, to run a hardship fund, to answer texts and calls, to educate, redirect and reframe the narrative of the truth of what was going on, all this and more, it made an impact on my family. I told my girls repeatedly, that sometimes we have to stand up for what is right, and this case, mental health parity was/is an issue for our time. We have all done something so much bigger than ourselves but we have paid a hefty price, figuratively and literally.  I was exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally by the end. Spiritually, I felt I was tapping into Source more, which was supportive. But it was a huge battle, one that we won, sort of and truth be told, one that is on-going and may be for some time to come. 

I sincerely hope that my children's witnessing of something like this so up close as they did, that it planted seeds inside of them that will grow; seeds of standing up for what is right; to speak up for what is wrong; to fight only for what you feel called to fight for; to lay down your sword when it is time; to not let ego and pride get in the way of your cause and in fighting for your cause.

Swallowing the Sun

 Amara and I had fun during sunset on the Big Island in August. We tried to capture her swallowing the sun!

Back to School-(10th & 8th)

Amara has started 10th grade. How that happened, I have no idea. It's a case for the X-files. After a super fun filled summer, Amara was happy to get back on campus. Amara was unsure about re-joining cross country or trying tennis. After some discussion, she opted for tennis. It felt like a better fit. As long as she is doing an active sport, Amara is good. She was also thrilled one of her close friends in on the tennis team. Amara does well with peer support.

Amara has signed up for student ambassador. She loves to be in the thick of things and to help others. I can't imagine where she gets that from! But Amara is very social and her mental health is directly connected to having a balanced social life. That Bentley has announced they are getting back to the business of having fun on campus has been a real mental health boost. Amara will be heading out on the back-to-school drafting trip soon, there will be dances and maybe some trips in the Spring.

Amara is now taking chemistry, along with other subjects and has moved to Spanish 2. Learning Spanish has been something she has thoroughly enjoyed. I love that she starting to speak the language of her family. Her abuela Jo's as her great grandma Melba and many other family speak Spanish. My hope is that both girls will be fluent. Amara just plain loves school and it is a pleasure seeing her thrive. She has some struggles with some work but overall, she really digs school. That she can ask for help, get support and find her way, has really helped her confidence. 

Havana was not that thrilled about returning to Stewart for 8th grade. Her main teacher left two months into last year. While the other teachers struggled with very rude students who did not know boundaries and disrupted the class. Overall, she felt she did not learn much. She made a few friends but honestly, it was not the best fit. We had no options but to tell her she had to suck it up for her 8th grade year. But then, one evening, ten days before the start of school, I got an email from the Canyon School's summer camp, saying they had room for 6/7/8 year students. I almost fell over. It seemed our ancestors were working some magic.

I had put Amara on the Canyon school wait list when she was 4 years old.  It is nestled in the redwoods between Morgan and Oakland. The Canyon school offers a Montessori/Waldorf style education. Amara never got in and as everything is in Divine Order, she ended up in Ellerhorst for K and then MFS from 1-8th. MFS was a great fit. Havana joined her at MFS from K-6 and that too was as it was meant to be. But now, in my inbox, just days after Havana told me for the umpteenth time, "I am not going back to Stewart" (and we said, "You have no choice"), there was this email. Long story short, within a few days, we toured the very sweet, magical campus, asked tons of questions about academics and learning styles.  I completed an inter-district transfer immediately afterwards. Havana has now been at this wonderful school for a month. I am hopeful we will be as optimistic and grateful at the end of the school year. 

So far, what I love is that the Middle School program at the Canyon School, is exactly what we had hoped MFS to be, but never was. There are strict guidelines for learning and executive functioning is always on the radar. But the pressure to complete work without really learning, the disregard for kids needs to ask questions from teachers, and the absence of fun are things that Havana is not experiencing in her classroom. There is warmth from her teacher and a liveliness and lightness in the classroom. Kids are working hard but are not feeling overburdened and pressured. The joy to learn is alive and always present. This is what we had hoped MFS middle school to be, what it so sadly lacked and what we grieved when we left. We are rejoicing that Havana at least, gets to have this experience. (And, it's a public school, so no tuition, whew!) This feels healing and emotionally corrective for our whole family, not just Havana.

Havana and her peers spend hours each week in the magical redwood groves, hiking and playing. There is a garden and they eat outside amongst the trees. The one hundred year old schoolhouse has a feeling of welcome and community. Havana is thrilled to be there and I am thrilled she has the opportunity to continue a Montessori style education, with a bit of Waldorf tossed in, while the academics adhere to certain standards. I am confident that falling behind in math is no longer going to be an issue. There are nine kids in 8th grade and a total of twenty-four in the 6/7/8 room. Just the perfect size. Again, we are deeply grateful for this opportunity. Havana is up and ready to meet each school day with enthusiasm. 

There is a camping trip at the beginning of the year  at Canyon, (which that she will sadly miss, due to having just had her tonsils out and needing 2 weeks recovery) and the year finishes up with all 8th years going to Costa Rica for 2 weeks. That Havana just had her first sleep way camp experience helped her to feel more confident about going away from home. When I asked if I could be the chaperone for the trip, she gave a resounding, "No."  That made me very happy. Havana, like her sister, is settling more into herself, with confidence and courage.

Everything truly is in Divine Order. For that, I give thanks. So here's to another school year. This life is going so quickly and I have deep, humble gratitude that my two small gems are getting the education they need that will help them to thrive as they grow into adulthood.

Full Moon over Kona

 

Not here Piggy, Piggy

 

                                                         

I had to tell this mama pig, after she bit my toes and tried to go up my dress, "Hey I have not eaten any of your relatives in almost forty years. So please stop trying to eat me." She did not listen and I had to scurry off, away from her and her little piggies. They tried to find me but I was a better hider!

That is her mouth on my foot!