I left Uganda 3 months ago. It was truly a life changing trip. There was so much to process. I learned, I grew, I faced challenges. My heart expanded. I felt deep pain. I felt awe. I wanted to take time to process all of this but when I returned home, within a few days, I turned around to go to Florida to support my mother, who is elderly, frail and medically compromised. Since then I have return to the Sunshine State two more times, eventually placing her in an assisted living facility. Those trips and the all the intense emotional, physical and mental energy took my mind away from that beautiful country in East, Central Africa. And still, I think about Uganda daily. I talk w/ Ken & Faith weekly. I am still actively involved with projects there. However, I am still processing those 3 weeks on the motherland; those 3 weeks that changed my life dramatically. Travel is a fabulous and there is much to see, taste, experience and feel. But it also provides us with the opportunity to learn and grow. I want true freedom and that does not come easily or painless. So while there were many highs, there were lows as well, that invited me to go to places that were not pretty. I am grateful for it all.
I don't have the bandwidth to write all I went through and continue to process. For the sake of this blog and wanting my two small gems to know more about their earthly mother and my life, I will make things concise. If they have questions later, they can ask or they can read this and learn what this trip was like. I have shared much but not all.
Here is some of what Uganda left me with.
1: I realized how much time and energy I spend thinking about what others having (here at home), what I don't have and how much energy I spend longing for more.
2: I am so much better off in my life than I ever realized. Seventeen years ago, when I was in Uganda. I was too young, naïve and ignorant to fully see. I was also still dealing with deep wounds that kept me from being fully present with myself, let alot fully present with the world in the deeper way I am now able to be.
3: I have so much. I am entitled. I can act like my high maintenance mother at times, especially when jet lagged or just overly tired.
4: I complain alot and talk about money. It was reflected to me that much of this comes from the culture I was raised in. Jews complain alot and talk about money alot and act like they don't have alot, even when they do. When they don't, they complain even more. I fall into all of those places.
5: I have to keep on top of my own unconscious prejudices and judgements or the just bubbling over the top of consciousness thoughts of others. I have prejudices about cultures and genders that have not allowed me to embrace the good parts (and I am referring here to white, males here.) I also have other unconscious bias that I am now inviting more fully to the surface.
6: I like comfort. I can rough it but I like comfort too. I also need to rest, nap and take time to decompress daily. I also appreciate mosquito nets.
7: I love to see new things, new places. I love new landscapes. I loved being in the (very) remote border of the DCR/Uganda and seeing what life was life for those who life very, very much outside of first world living. I appreciated the slower and simpler way of life. It left me with a deep longing to slow things down and disconnect more from technology and modern tools, which can both help and hinder.
8: I love people. I love to get to know people. I love to help others. I loved giving out the Dr. Bronner's lip balms that were donated (approx 100) to the many sisters I met along the way. It brought a smile to my face and others. I loved the village we went to. I loved Mama Kabaswiswi, her family and I loved the joy on the faces when we shared the gifts we brought, the lanterns for light, the toothbrushes for their teeth, the soccer balls to play with. I especially loved the dances we shared. I love that village and I know I will return to support them in the near future. I love that village. Did I way that already? Well, I really love do love them.
9: I thrive in warm, tropical climates. I knew that already but it was confirmed when I spent 4 days in sub-tropical Fort Portal, at a lovely place, where the rooms were surrounded by my favorite flowers, the earth was green and lush and the days warm and just humid enough. I don't love it too hot but hot enough for there to be a little sweat and where I never have to wear socks to keep my feet warm.
10: I love the food in tropical climates. These foods; green banana, greens, yucca/cassava, mangos, etc, they are part of my DNA going back hundreds of years. My body is happy when I nourish it daily with these things.
11: I love coke zero. It's not that healthy. I know. But on a hot day, it's so refreshing. It was about 50 cents for a bottle and I loved drinking it there!! Especially when Ken and I would each have one while sharing a meal overlooking tropical gardens or Lake Victoria, while we had deep and honest conversations about our thoughts and convictions.
12: I ask alot of questions. I am very curious. I question decisions. I often think I am right. I like to correct things. I like to find better ways to do things. Especially if it meant less time on the bumpy, unpaved roads, where we spend hours and hours.
13: I love wildlife. I love wildlife. I love wildlife. While I did not see my beloved power animal, the cheetah, I did get up close to mountain gorillas, baboons, elephants, leopards, a lion in a tree, hipps and many other animals. My soul child was very, very, very happy.
14: I realized the power of the mind to overcome hardship. Driving for hours on those roads was extremely taxing and took a toll on me on all levels. I survived. I had to trek 5 hours to see the magnificent gorillas. I got cuts, a bee sting in my face, I fell. It was really hard. I used my mind, my thoughts to make it through.
15: I learned that in life, sometimes hard work is the only way and that I am not exempt from hard work and I don't deserve a pass. I am entitled at times and don't deserve a break. I have to work hard like everyone else.
16: I love baskets! I loved buying them for those who sent things to the village so I could bring them back one and I was delighted by those I got to keep myself. I love baskets!
17: I love seeing the Creator's vast expression, in people, animals/birds/etc, the natural world. I feel deeply at peace when I see the beauty of this planet.
18: I am deeply grateful for Ken and his family and the deepening of the relationship I have with them.
19: I am deeply grateful to my heart brother, Vincenzo, who was the best travel partner. He pulled my coat when needed. Was open to communication to process. Heard me when I pulled his coat. We mostly respected each others needs, especially when we separately hit a wall and needed alone time to rest and regroup and self-care. I learned so much from him and he was a tremendous support when I went to Florida and some of what came up in Uganda was further exposed. I went down into a dark place; facing deep shadows of my own (triggered by being with and clearly seeing my mother, who see is, how she impacted my life, the things I learned from her and what I wanted to let go off) and was able to connect the dots to what arose in Uganda. That shone a light and opened a door for some much needed healing, letting go and transformation.
20: I love Uganda. I love the people. I don't love the power politrix plays and it's impact on the masses. But the people are generally warm, kind, loving. I loved the land, the lakes, the rivers, the animals, birds, trees, flowers and just everything. I love Uganda. I always wanted to return and spend more time. I am so thankful I had this chance.
All of this and so much more from 3 weeks on the Motherland. I am so humbled by what I have been blessed to experience. Aho.
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