15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Havana!

My baby girl is turning 15. Well into her teen years, we see Baby Girl maturing slowly but surely. In some ways, Havana is wise beyond her years her sense of humor is beyond her years as well. In other ways, she remains our baby girl, relishing being our little one. Sometimes that is to our delight and other times not so much. Yet overall, Havana is a light in our lives. She is a bright star, who never ceases to surprise and delight us.

Havana started high school at Bentley last Fall and made the steep leap as a Freshman, even though this has not been the easiest, while all high schools can be hard, Bentley is especially challenging as you are pushed hard.  Despite the challenges, Havana found her baring's with the support of Big Sister, new friends, and teachers. I think her parents were a part in her adjustment as well.  Havana has been pushed to work harder in school but is learning a great deal. Part of the learning are discovering what are her strengths and areas that are challenging and asking for support.

Havana has developed her own style over the past year. She sometimes follows fashion but only if she likes something. Havana is not one to follow the crowd. She has her own opinions and walks to her own beat. I not only support that, I admire that trait. I raised both of our two small gems to listen to their own hearts, to follow their own truths and to honor themselves. Havana does that fairly well. She is a teen so we do see the typical teenage angst over appearances and insecurities but we know that this is all part of natural development. We do have to do a bit of coaching and reflective feedback how how actions can impact others and how she impacts those in her life. This is an on-going lesson for Havana but Havana is thoughtful and takes things to heart.

Havana's skills in the kitchen continue to make our tastebuds dance. She makes a mean chocolate chip cookie, she bakes delicious cakes from scratch and recently she started making homemade pasta. When Havana does step into the kitchen to cook or bake, we are thrilled. We wish we would see more of this but we know that as she matures further that will occur naturally.

Havana remains the cat whisper in our home. She loves all the cats, well, she and Daisy are not that close but Rio, Samson, Kai and Simba are her buddies. She has done cat sitting and cat rescue and she always finds kittens and cats when we are out and about or traveling. If it were up to Havana we would have dozens of cats living in the house and in the yard!

All of these things are who Havana is as she approaches her fifteen year. I want to take some time to express how I feel about Havana and I experience my life with Baby Girl.

I love Havana beyond expression. She and I are alot alike. Some of the things I both admire and struggle with are things I see in myself. I always thought Amara and I were a lot alike but as Havana gets older and I see her force of nature, her subtle intensity and her independence, I see see a lot of myself in her, when I was that age. Some days I shake my head with a grin and some days I am exasperated! She tries my patience daily but at the same time her patience and calm nature is balm for me in many different ways. When it's just Havana and I, it's usually a wonderful time together. She is a great co-pilot; navigating our routes brilliantly. From the road to Hana a few years ago, to finding thrift stores throughout Northern California or a new place to eat or a old favorite. I feel confident, relaxed and at ease with Havana at my side. 

I always wanted to be a mom. When Amara was born, it was a long held dream come to reality and I thought life could not get any better. When Havana was born, within a couple of hours we were cuddled together in bed (and stayed that ways for years-co-sleeping for many years), I felt like I was in nirvana. Havana was my cuddly, sweet, juicy blueberry, who brought such joy to my life. I never knew my heart could expand like it did when Havana's soul landed in a body and I carried her into this life. I am so grateful she choose me as her mom. From the day she born, Havana has brought immense joy and delight into my life, into our families lives. The teenage years have brought difficult challenges with development issues and other struggles, that is true. These past years have been hard at times but underneath all of that, I see that shining light that filled my heart and soul since June 30, 2009. Havana is a special human being, with a bright light that she shines on those she loves. She is a great friend and has both maintained friendships she started school and formed new relationships. I see the way her friends treat her and I know she is loved, respected and appreciated by her peers. It warms my heart to she that she shows up in the world the way she does. The challenges at home stay at home, informing me that she has inner strength and resources to support herself. That assures me but it does not surprise me. Havana is a remarkable young person who has a bright future ahead of her.

For now however, I am grateful Havana is still young. She has several more years until she reaches adulthood. I hope she finds more joys and pleasures and hobbies. I hope she continues to set outside of her box and explores the world because she brings that light of hers where ever she goes and brightens the world at large.

17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Amara is turning seventeen. We have one more year until she flies out of the nest. I am excited for her to keep flapping those wings but I am also not 100%  ready. 

Amara started yearning to explore the world before she could crawl. Her sense of curiosity, her zest for life, her drive to experience life fully, her passion to walk lightly on the earth; all these things have been present since she a wee one.

Now my precious Amara Pearl Josephine is turning seventeen. She is ready, mostly, for adulthood. She fluctuates between autonomy and regression. On the side, Amara has been working at Michael's Craft Store for the past 9 months. She has had her drivers license since Aug 2023 and takes her and her sister to school each day. Still there are moments when she wants to me make her food, to coddle her, run a bubble bath, to nurture her. I am grateful for those latter moments. I am not quiet ready for her to zoom off into the world. I am grateful we have one more year to keep her protected under our watch. We have one more years of making memories and of sharing the ups and downs of growing up and living this wonderous life.

Amara, in her deep zest for life, has had quite the sixteenth year. Just after her birthday last June, she got to see Taylor Swift in concert. That was a holy smokes experience, being on the floor and meeting some celebrities, while shaking the night away. 

Amara went to Spain for a 3 week language immersion program (we all went as a family) and made friends from around the globe. Before she got her driver's license, she started taking BART here at home to meet with friends for lunch and shopping. While in Spain, she took public transport in Valencia, after late nights in the city with her language camp friends. Amara helped her grandmother move into an ALF later that summer and met cousins for the first time while in Florida. 

When Junior year stared in the Fall,  Amara became part of student government. She edited the art magazine at school and she placed 3rd in a photography show for local high schoolers this Spring. Junior year has not been so easy though. The year has been hard, no doubt about that. Amara has faced challenges but she still likes to think she is the mayor of Bentley, with her clubs, sports activities and her very sweet friend group. That friend group has been tight since 9th grade and this year she went to prom with them, has had sleep overs and gotten more Starbucks and Boba tea that I can keep track of.

Last September Amara started working at Michaels as a seasonal worker. Amara being Amara, was quickly hired on as a permanent part-time employee. She works approximately sixteen hours on the weekend. She is is learning about earning wages. She is saving her money but sometimes buys concerts tickets. She has been to almost half a dozen concerts in the past year. Little Miss Independent ride shares with friends or takes the BART but she still comes home and gives hugs and shares every detail of her experiences. 

Amara remains a very thoughtful person. Sometimes she takes on too much responsibility and we have to encourage her to be a kid. She is not yet an adult and we want her to enjoy what remaining time of childhood she has remaining. Her thoughtfulness has supported her in making some good friends at Bentley and she has maintained and nurtured those she made in her previous school. Peanut Butter and Jelly are tight as ever and Amara's GS Camp friend, who she met several years ago, has become an important person in her life. Amara treats her friends with kindness and consideration and they do the same. I am deeply grateful for the social supports she has found. Amara has good friends, who do fun things together and are good people. Having been quite the rebellious and mischievous teenager myself, I am beyond relieved that Amara and her friends are the polar opposite. 

Amara's passion and commitment to the earth and being a good steward of the planet is something I think she will carry into adulthood. She still loves to collect rocks and shells. Getting her hands in the dirt or spending time out in nature brings her great joy. It always has and probably always will. 

It has been quite an honor to watch her grow from birth to now. I have loved (almost!) every single moment. Even the tough tantrum moments of the early years; they taught me who Amara was and what she needed. I have loved being there for her every step of the way. I am aware that I have to individuate along side both Amara and Havana both. It is just taking time to digest that. The upside of this all is to see Amara taking flight. She is a colorful, bright, curious, smart and creative person and it will be a gift to continue to witness her journey though life.

In the meantime, we will celebrate Amara as she turns 17! She has asked for Tres Leche cake, art supplies and lip balm! We can't wait to celebrate the day this amazing soul landed on earth and graced all over our live.

Happy Birthday Amara!

Amara in Amarapura, Burma; her namesake village, 2018