Uganda

Last year I had the most fortunate opportunity to launch Deeper Diving Retreats, Summits & Adventures, LLC, when I built and birthed Aloha Summits Continuing Education for therapists on Maui. It was a wild success, in part by my hard work but more so by the support of some amazing friends and Divine Guidance. 

Because I love to travel as much as I do, I had the idea long before Aloha Summits to bring people to Uganda for a safari, cultural experience and humanitarian work. I have had a connection to Uganda since Don and I went to East Africa for our honeymoon in 2006. I returned in 2023 with my brother and while I had no idea what the Universe had in store, I did mentally plan what a trip with guests would look like. I also thought about brining to reality my long held wish to bring my two small gems to Africa before they finished high school.

Well, earlier this year, both those things came true. I brought 9 guests in total to Uganda (including the girls and I) for 10 days of game drives, river boat cruises up the Nile, chimpanzee trekking, humanitarian work and so much more. There were a lot of learning curves but overall it was a success. Having Amara and Havana with me made the trip even more special. To share with them the motherland for their first time, to see them experience seeing hippos, giraffe and elephants (Luvey and Ellie came with us and were SO excited to see their kind!), along with lions, lion cubs, leopards and so much more was something words can not describe. I was often brought to tears that I was able to create this life for them and share this part of the world with them.

In addition to wildlife and history, the girls made connections with locals, especially the many children who were so curious about them. Both Amara and Havana fell in love over and over with some pretty sweet little ones. It was joyous to witness. They also got to see a part of the world so very different from their own. Without phone service for all those days, they had to look outside the the thirty year plus Land Cruiser window and see how a different culture went about life with very little. They were taken aback at times by what they saw and while they did not always say much it, I know it impacted them greatly to see the tiny brick homes and outdoor kitchens. Having outside squat toilets and no running water, those are things that change one’s view of the world permanently. The girls have traveled quite a bit but Africa is a place like no other. There is immense beauty, love, natural richness but there is also a stark contrast of poverty lack. They were included in conversations about the hows and whys of this forced reality in a place where there is so much natural wealth but the locals do not benefit.

The girls got to visit a school and that too was eye opening. The head of school was concerned about their western dress, bit too modest, but the children enjoyed asking Amara questions (Havana did not want to go inside the actual classroom) and the short exchange was valuable for both.

Both of the girls connected with our driver, Ema, whom he quickly claimed as “my students.” He taught them many important things about life in Uganda and East Africa. From the people, to the food they bonded well and they had many laughs. I enjoyed getting to know Ema as well, being he was the brother of Alfie, the drive who took Don and I on a 20 hour round trip to the Congo so many years ago.

The food, another big part of travel, was not that unusual or different for us. They eat a lot of green banana, called mat

Home now for two months, we still speak about Africa often. Uganda changed them in ways, as travel often does and it bonded us even more so.  They are already planning on joining me when I return next year, although Amara’s status as a freshman may prevent her from actually. Havana is keen set on it!

Here are some photos of our time in Uganda.

Christmas 2024

Christmas 2024 was different than Christmas days of the past. Since it has been 4 months since Christmas was here, I have had time to ponder on why it was different than other years. I think perhaps because the girls are older and they wanted to sleep in, that childhood anticipation, impatience and excitement was no longer present. The thrill of Santa coming is now a thing of the past so perhaps, some of the magic has gone and that may be part of the reduced anticipation. Don't get me wrong, they were excited for Christmas but there was their joy in going out buying their own gifts for others that had not previously been part of the holiday. It had always been their father and I making the Christmas magic happen. Now, with Amara having her own money from working she was excited to buy thoughtful and meaningful gifts for the family with her own money. While Havana had to use the funds of the adults, she too was quite thoughtful and excited to go Christmas shopping for not only her family but her closest friends as well. There was a sweetness in their being part of the holiday traditions now that they are older.

Another reason I think this last holiday was different was because the girls are older and they know what they want. In the past, they might have a list for Santa  but Don and I took liberty to choose other things. Those gifts were mostly appreciated. However, now being teenagers, they are particular and very specific about what they like and don't like, making gift giving much more challenging. I was left with thinking I would get a few of those items and overall make this year less versus ore.

When the kids were little, they’d wake up so early in the morning and race down the stairs with their oohs and ahh at all the presence under the tree. But now they wanted to sleep in late and take their time opening each present slowly. There was something nice about this more relaxed pace. When they were little, it was age appropriate to have all the excitement and energy in the air. But now it felt that taking our time, taking it all in slow slowly, was just what we needed. The girls are getting older and there won’t be too many more Christmases like this as a family. They will go to college and get on with their lives and while we might have Christmas together once they are out of the house, it won’t be the same as when they were children. It was bittersweet to have this realization and made this slower pace all the more fulfilling and meaningful.

Because girls are also quite particular about what they like these days and some of those particularities cost a little bit more money. That meant some shared gifts, like the new Dyson, and as in years gone by clothing that was necessary, but with a few more not so necessary, but optional choices for gifts.

Overall, it was a really lovely morning and day. I cherish these moments with my children. I’m so grateful to have had so many years with so many memories like this.

Hanukkah 2024

 We had a late but lovely annual Hanukkah celebration with our cousins in January. While we missed the actual holidays, the sentiment and meaning were ever present. We light the candles, enjoyed the traditional latkes made by the Ferguson-Coughlin clan, matzo ball soap-made vegetarian style by the Davi-Coughlin clan, and of course gelt. We end the evening with some fun family games.

This tradition, started half way through the kids growing up years, has been a highlight for our family. Spiritual but not religious and culturally Jewish for sure, honoring at least some of the Jewish holy days, while incorporating a more modern, relevant twist has been an important and meaning tradition. This year, the adults opted to skip gifts for the kids. Ben is in college while Amara is a Senior, Theo a Junior and Havana a Sophomore in high school. They have more than they needed; a blessing for sure, and their teenage likes and dislikes are foreign to the parents. Spending time at the table, talking, sharing, catching up and honor the Hanukkah rituals felt like the gifts.

We hope to continue this tradition for some years to come but life has a way to twisting and turning but I remain hopeful that each winter that the girls will join with their cousins to light the candles.

Almost the End of the Road

My two small gems are not so small any longer. In two months, Amara Pearl will be eighteen years old and she has decided on her college for next Fall. Havana Ruby's birthday a few weeks later mark her sixteenth year. She has already begun to learn to drive and next year she will be driving herself to and from High School.

My two small gems are not so small any longer.  They are individuating and moving into their own, separate lives. They no longer require constant monitoring for safety. They do not need their parents for entertainment. They don't even want our opinions on things most of the time. Witnessing them move into their own lives, while a natural part of life, there are times when it feels like a slow, painful tear in my heart.

The girls have their own high school lives, be it with Amara having worked at Micheal's for a 1 1/2 years, or them going out with friends and spending the night, or attending concerts from San Francisco to San Jose, or driving Bluey, (Amara's cute little electric car) all round the East Bay to find Sunny Angels or to get Boba.  It is natural, it is good, it is joyous. And it is sad to see the end of this part of our lives shift. Just the other day, when I was in Albany, I stopped at Five Little Monkeys and walked around, feeling nostalgic. I ended up buying Havana a lego set, complete with having it wrapped. That she still loves legos and that I could still buy her a present like that was deeply satisfying. And sad. Because, my two small gems are not so small any longer.

During this high speed train towards adulthood, I have organically begun to step into my own space. I have found myself feeling more comfortable not just having the role their primary parent but as my own person, with passions, dreams and purpose. They are not the only ones with a divine purpose.

With such realizations, it seems my two small gems and I are on a parallel process of growth and individuation. 

There are so many wonderful things about them being teenagers. We have traveled together to more distant locations, where the comforts of home are back at home and they have managed to not only deal with but thrive in far flung places. I have come to appreciate their decisions and input on matters. They are wise, thoughtful and smart. It has been smart of me to take their input and counsel at times. They have good hearts, care about the world and fairness for others and I am relieved that they will go out into the world as good citizens of this sacred planet.

As we move towards the end of the childhood road (but to be honest, I am very grateful to have two more years with Havana), this blog's end of the road will be part of that process. I have been writing less and less. I have documented so many aspects of their lives, shared much about myself in case they need to go back and learn about me (if/when I am not here), tried to capture all the adventures and milestones of their youth. I hope I did them justice. I will blog less and less over the next couple of years. I have much to catch up on for the past few months and will work on being more timely but as they grow, I am growing and this blog is feeling less and less the priority it once was. 

But....we are not at the end of the road yet. So stay tuned for our past holiday experiences, our trip to 3 continents is February, Amara's trip to China and so much more.