18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Amara is 18!

18! 

18!

I can't even digest that.

18 years ago, Amara graced my life with her 9 lb 2 oz self and has been my shadow ever since.

I have loved her being my shadow.

I have loved watching her grow. 

I have loved watching her zest for life.

I have loved witnessing her passions develop.

I have loved having a front seat to her see her talents emerge.

I have not always loved the harder moments. 

The ones where she struggled and I was clueless.

I did not have good mothering but I strived to be to Amara what I did not have.

I pray it was good enough.

She was and is her own wise and strong self. 

She is, and always has been, an old soul in her teeny self.

Amara has always been thoughtful and kind. Sometimes taking too much on.

I hope she learns to let things go, as well as others stuff that is not hers.

Amara is magical and creative.

Amara is hardworking and a perfectionist.

I hope she learns to find balance with rest and play and that realizes sooner in life than later, that true riches come from a happy heart, tons of laughter and being awakened to her true self and her connection to all of creation.

My days blogging about Amara will mostly cease after this summer. I have two more years with Havana so I am sure she will be present in posts but this blog has been about their childhood; highlighting their adventures, capturing their magical adventures and travels, sharing stories about their mother so they can better know who she is and having a place to look back and she what their childhood was like. Memories fade but these photos and words will be their living document of the life of my two small gems.

Here are some glimpses of Amara's life before she turned 18.

High School Graduation

I can't even begin to describe all the feelings I have been having about Amara graduating high school last week Friday. So many emotions. I feel sad. I feel excited. I feel grumpy. I feel nervous. I feel thrilled. Mostly though, I just can't believe my Amara Pearl Josephine has graduated high school, is turning 18 in a few short days and will soon leave the nest and fly north, towards Oregon.

Millions, billions, of humans have walked this path before me and yet I feel alone in my experience. I do take some comfort that others know what it feels like and still I feel like I am having my own unique experience. This time reminds me of the days before Amara was born. Back then, a wise person told me, "You can't prepare for parenthood, no matter how hard you try. Until your child is born and you walk through the door of parenthood, you can not know what it is like." 

That is how I have felt about Amara moving into adulthood. I have known it was coming. I have all these feelings and yet, until it happened in front of my eyes last week, I was not truly prepared.

Something has shifted these past few days. Just like the my baby girl is now an adult. I still long for the days when she was teeny tiny. I wish I could go back to even a few hours of her toddler years and push her on the swing at the park. Yet those longings have subsided these past days. Now I see Amara more as an adult and like all the developmental stages that have passed, I can see that this next phase of her life will bring great and wonderful things. 

Happy High School Graduation to my Amara Pearl Josephine.

Senior Prom

 

Senior Prom. A rite of passage. 

Amara had planned and prepared for this nite for months prior.

The perfect dress was found. (She was stunning.)

The nails were done. (She finally got her gel extensions.)

Her hair was styled in just the way she hoped.

Her date was her friend Julia.

She went with one of her friend groups. 

It was so sweet to see them, all dressed up for their big event.

They danced, laughed and had fun (all this through second hand account.)

Amara. Senior Prom. 

The end of high school coming quickly.

This rite of passage, a doorway to the end and a new beginning.