Maria



Maria, with her little sweet ones, Paola & Roberto





At Fairyland
June 2011





At Amara's 1st birthday.



Performing plastic surgery on Luvey. Maria has restuffed and patched holes
on Luvey about 4x so far!



Maria. Our trustworthy, reliable, grounded, knowledgeable and most importantly, loving, nanny.

Maria came into our lives when Amara was not quite 4 months old.

In the months before Amara was born, when I had time to sit with what my life might look like after her birth, I knew that I would not be a stay at home mother. I knew that my work was part of my calling (as was motherhood) and that at some point I would be returning to my service.  And that meant I would have to find someone, somewhere, to look after my precious Amara Pearl Josephine when my maternity leave was through.

Once Amara arrived and she became the most important part of my world, the mere thought of leaving her caused the muscles in my body to tense and my mind to whirl and spin with all types of maddening thoughts.  Letting go of control of the daily activities of my beloved daughter would be no easy task. Yet I knew, in my heart, that I had to return to the service of my ‘profession’. I was fortunate to discover that the healing field was my path at a very young age and I have not strayed from it for the past twenty years.  Motherhood, while knowing it too was part of this life’s path, took a bit longer to manifest and so, at age 38, I found myself embracing my long awaited Amara while also knowing I would have to submit several days a week away from her. Meant to be, yes, but not so easy, none the less.

I am a skilled networker, and pretty good manifester, but I still doubt myself more often that not. So I set about the task of finding a nanny. Now mind you, where I grew up, a nanny was for the very wealthy, something that never crossed my mind before I landed in the Bay Area. But here, nannies are an intricate part of the lives of working parents. There is a whole subculture of women, many from other cultures, who help to raise our most precious ones. Often, due to cost and social reasons, two families will share a nanny (thus the term nanny share). This also benefits the nanny as her salary can be significantly higher this way.

I scoured BPN (the massive, free Berkeley Parents Network, on-line forum set up to help parents network for anything from childcare, to advice, to housing needs) for nanny shares and posted my own ad. Long story short, and four or five interviews later, we found Maria. She was already working with a 2 ½ year old boy (Ike), whose family wanted a share. When Maria pulled up in our driveway, I felt as if a dear, long lost friend had just returned to see us. A wave of warmth, calm, and certainty washed through me. I knew before she even got out of her car that she was the one. I knew I could now return to work feeling safe and assured.

That first year Maria took more than great care of Amara. She made sure Amara had her pumped breast milk, carried her in the Ergo so Ike could ride the bus or go to the park, helped her get on a nap schedule. She supported Amara’s endless curiosity and sense of adventure like when she would want to climb up the slide at the park and go down all by herself- at 9 months old, when she couldn’t even walk yet! And Maria supported me as well. She encouraged me and reassured me when I had doubts and questions about things. She helped me better understand certain developmental stages. Maria, a mom to (then) 3 year old Paola and 8 year old Roberto, was a natural with children. It was clear as day, that taking care of and teaching children was her calling.

The second year, Ike went off to preschool. I was lucky to secure another family through my growing WestCoCoMoms. Matteo was just two months younger than Amara, which was perfect. That meant that we would stay in our share together for at least a couple of years. Job security for Maria was just as important to our family as was consistency for our girl.  By this point, I had grown to love Maria and I wanted to know she was being taken care of.

The start of the third year Havana was born. During this difficult transition for Amara, Maria helped her get through the life changing adjustment that she wasn’t the queen of the castle any longer. While I stayed home on maternity leave, Amara still spent her 3 days a week with her beloved Maria. This was a crucial piece in our successful transition and when Havana eventually joined the others, things went smoother.

When Amara (and Matteo) went off to preschool, Havana stayed on in the share. By that point, Matteo had a new baby sister. So Havana and Sophia started their relationship and our time with Maria continued on.  For Amara, being able to continue seeing Maria strengthened their relationship. Maria still helped out with both kids in the morning and sometimes takes Amara to school. I can count on Maria to let me know what’s going on in preschool and Amara will share with Maria how she is feeling about things. Their bond is deep and strong.

Havana is getting ready for preschool now and the thought of not having Maria around is a bit unsettling. Don and I are struggling finding a before/after school care person that we feel safe with. We have never in five years had to question Maria’s intentions, her abilities, her dedication, her love, for our girls. There have  been several occasions when a mother has stopped me in the park, store or library and said, "Those are your kids?" and then proceeded to tell me how they saw Maria with them at storytime or at the park and how they thought she was their mother based on how wonderful she was with them and how my girls responded and interacted to her in a way that was like with a family member. Well, Maria is a family member.

Havana doesn’t quite understand that starting school means no more Maria. But we plan on keeping in close contact with her. And her family, because, we have watched Paola and Robert grow up these past five years and we love them as well. The girl’s eyes light up each time they join Maria at work when their school is out and they usually run around the house in excitement. Amara is already planning her sleepover at Maria's with Paola! And when Maria and her family return to Mexico in a few years to run the family business and teach (yeah, Maria is working on her teaching degree), we plan visiting them there. I wasn't joking when I told Maria that I will be at her kids high school graduation and I expect her to be at Amara and Havana's. She is family.

Each parent, who has to leave their child, even for a short time, worries and hopes their little ones are safe and well. To have been able to go to work for the past five years and feel safe, feel confident, to be able to let go and not worry once, not once has been a blessing.  And it speaks volumes of the character and nature of our irreplaceable Maria.

Paola, Ike, Maria & Amara during the first year.