Turning 45

Usually my birthday is not that important to me. Yes, I love the well wishes and the few gifts that are sent my way but I would much rather be honored and acknowledged spontaneously. I mean, when it's one's birthday, folks know and it's almost compulsory to have to say something. I like to honor folks whenever my heart feels that push. If I am feeling the love for you, I will say it; if you are someone who holds a special place in my life and I see something that reminds me of you, I will get it for you, regardless of whether it is your birthday, Christmas or Hanukkah.  And, ironically, I do like to send cards to other's on their birthday and I love to leave a message on folks voice mails with my off-key rendition of the Happy Birthday song. I just feel shy when attention is put on me. (and I know that may be hard to believe but it's true!)

Also, historically, I have not thought much of aging and numbers. I feel like I am still twenty-five, I still look like I am in my thirties, and I don't pay much attention to the neurosis of aging  that is part of the American culture, especially when it comes to women.

But I am someone who moves through life paying attention to my inner-self, making decisions based on what my heart and core feel are best. And this year, I felt older. I felt that I needed to make some changes because my body feels different. For the first time, I feel the changes that aging has made on my physical self.

So with those feelings as my barometer, I made the decision to take my actual birthday off from work and take some steps to support myself in some healthy ways.

I am devout believer/participant in alternative medicine and healing but I also know that western medicine can give a good heads up as to how the physical body is doing as well. So on the day I turned 45, I went to the lab and got some blood work done and tried to get my first mammogram (had to be rescheduled). I had Havana at 40 and nursed her until I was 42. I was long past due. With that out of the way I went home and took care of some business and then headed out for my first ever facial with a massage to follow. Massage is something I have long supported receiving body for it's contribution to ones well-being. I am even certified as a massage practitioner. But a facial; I always thought it a bit of an indulgent and unnecessary luxury .  Lately however, I have felt this pull to pay more attention to my skin. Yes, I have used natural ingredients for thirty years to wash and moisturize but this year, if felt the time to do something more. When I was finished with the very relaxing and rejuvenating facial my skin felt renewed and fresh and thankful.

The most important thing I did for myself this birthday was to begin the process to starting boot camp. A mom friend has been encouraging me and I finally decided this was the time. I can't go on complaining about being this overweight and out of shape without doing something. So this year, my 45th year, I am going to get back in shape. Come hell or high water. So for my birthday, I filled out the paperwork and put the registration date on my calendar.

Knowing I only had a week to go to kick-my-ass-boot -camp, I decided to enjoy dinner and ice cream cake later that evening with my family and friends. Don, who always goes out of his way to take care of me, went to the only place in the Bay Area to get a Carvel ice cream cake, which we all devoured. That cake was symbolic of my childhood years in New City, when life was good and easy; when I was wild and free spirited (that never left!). I may be getting older in years but I am still young in heart. Yes, that is a corny and catchy saying but it rings true to who I am.

I can't leave out that a few days before my birthday our family went to Six Flags where I rode a roller coaster (would have ridden more but it was hard with the girls. Although Ms. Amara did ride with me on the Cobra!) I have always loved roller coasters and it has been years since I went on a grown up one. Any time I can go fast, I am in heaven. And this time, to have Amara with me, well it made the ride even more gratifying.  Riding that coaster also held a symbolic meaning. I am not going to let go of the child within and so  that Cobra ride was my 'F...You' to getting older. I might be 45 but I will always love a good roller coaster ride.

This birthday has also brought some much need insight. During the last few months I have felt the strong need for a more consistent meditation practice. Centering, emotional regulation, remembering Self, are the ingredients for a more peaceful and freer life. I want that for myself and for my family.  Mediation supports this. My busy life raising two little children prevented a consistent practice. But that has to change if I am going to be the best Anjahni. I am going to have to fit this in. It may have to be at work during my break time but it has to become part of my daily routine.

I write this blog for many reasons. And this piece is share with girls more about who I am, what makes me tick and when they get old enough to read this, to have an understanding of who I was when they were little.I want them know what life was like for me in hopes of maybe enlightening and teaching them in some ways. And I want them to know that the best presents I could ever have are my family. They are my greatest joys or has a friend once said, the jewels in my crown.

So here's to turning 45!

Don brought home a lovely bouquet of roses.

Amara & I rode the kid's roller coaster before we hit the Cobra.
Havana wasn't too interested she went on the airplane ride.

Amara had Don take her to several stores so she could get me a Hello Kitty doll! I love it! And Havana gave me a hand print she made last Christmas. The same hand print, mind you, that she recently told her father he could "....keep forever, even when I move to New York when I grow up." I just loved that too!