This summer, Amara went to Girl Scout sleep away camp. It was a huge, and I mean Huge, deal for our entire family.
For years, I touted the adventures and experiences of sleepaway camp. I told stories that made it seem the most exciting adventure. And it was. And, I was planting seeds for Amara to want to make that experience her own. This year, she did it, years earlier than (I went at age 13) but she did it!
Despite being so pro sleepaway camp, I could only bear to part with Amara for 4 days/5 nights for her first solo flight away from us. Amara is a girl who needs to feel safe, secure; she needs to scout out things before she can relax into them. A short venture to sleepaway would allow for that and open her up to other solo flights as she gets older
I was so excited for her. So encouraging but once she left, I was a mess. I cried every day. I knew I would miss her; Made sure we all wrote letters. Asked family/friends to write as well (she got 16 pieces of mail in 5 day! more than any other camper!-which she loved!) I helped her pack, prepare mentally and emotionally. But after she was gone, it triggered my core seperation issues and man, was it not comfortable sitting with the reality that one day, she would on her own for good. Whew!
Without Amara, the house was eerily quiet; there was no bedtime fussing, no anxiety attacks over things not being a certain way. All things you'd think I would have relished. And I did but not fully. I missed the heck out of that girl and I realized on a much deeper level, how much my life truly is defined by my two small gems; and that I am only a temporary guardian over until they take flight.
I felt all that and I also knew, in my heart and soul, that she was having the time of her life. I also knew that her time at camp was a necessary part of her becoming an adult. From the way she packed and checked her list; to how she spoke of her fears and anticipations; to all she hoped to do; I just knew she was having the time of her life and opening up to great things including trying new things, stretching herself, to things while still feeling afraid. As her temporary guardian this was what I needed to support and so I held the missing and the newness at the same time.
When Amara returned, she came off the camp bus full of light; she was shining (dirty but shining!) She talked nonstop for an hour; she made new friends; learned how to make a fire (she was the only camper who got the fire badge!); slept in a covered wagon; spent every day, all day, outside in nature, did archery, wrote us amazing, heartfelt letters and more. She came back more mature, more confident. All that from Girl Scout camp! Amazing.
Amara is now planning her next summer. This time, she is thinking a couple of weeks away. Next summer we will be more prepared for her next solo flight and I am sure I will again both miss her and relish the space without her, send daily letters and count the days until she comes home.
Preparation; her checklist and bags. |
At dropoff |
Post Camp Photo |