10!!!!!!!!!!

My sweet love Havana is turning ten. I can't wrap my head around it. Now both girls are in double digits, which is a huge milestone for our family. Life moves forward and as we pass another year around the sun, I reflect back on what has changed and what has stayed the same in the life of my Havana Ruby gem. And alot has changed for her and many new aspects of who she is are emerging.

Havana is definitely settling more into her personality. While she remains quiet, sweet and creative we are seeing her strong, stubborn and sometime defiant side emerge more.  When she does not get her way, she tends to push the limits. I am good at pushing those limits back but it can be a battle at times. Thankfully, Havana recovers quickly from any anger or sadness and is quick to give and received cuddles post unmet demands.

Havana is someone who needs her quiet time. Our 'twenty minute quiet rule' when we get home from school/camp/work is essential for us all but especially baby girl, who tends to get overstimulated by noise and crowds and too much input. She loves her friendships at school; she has been coming out of her shell and formed new relationships but it takes it toll on her emotionally and mentally. Most days after school/camp we can find Havana reading a book or playing with her dolls. She still loves her dolls and makes dresses for them out of everything from old clothing that she cuts up, to rubber gloves from the doctors office and even uses paper towels She is quite resourceful and the outcomes done remarkably well.

Havana is not that adventurous or eager to try new things like sports or hikes. Yet once she gets out there (often after a bit of protest), it is often Havana that is ahead on the trail. This year, through after-school enrichment programs, Havana participated in Aikido and tennis. Both of which she loved. She (and her sister) are currently in a tennis camp for the week (our attempts to keep the momentum going). Because Havana is more a feeling, artistic type, it is important she do physically activities, which she is very good at despite her initial resistances.

I am thankful Havana is still young in certain ways. She most definitely fits the role of the baby in the family. She despises being called baby (one of my pet names is Baby Girl) but whereas her sister is leaning more towards clothing and group chats on her phone, Havana still loves stuffed animals, playing Uno or her imagination. I like that she still needs me more often than not. It's a fine balance having a more independent older kid and one still in the younger child phases of development. In all honesty, I am most grateful for that and still I encourage her to  independently proactive with her chores and schoolwork. Another fine balance.

Havana has a sharp sense of humor that keeps peeking it head out and one that has us laughing often. Seriously, that girl is funny. If she doesn't know you well, she can be shy. Once she is comfortable around a person, she is prone to not only sharing her quick wit but also playful teasing.  

One thing that has not changed (and is a big part of Havana's life) is rainbows! Havana loves all things rainbows. She loves to draw, paint, or create them in a wide variety outlets..Havana is a gifted artist and her colorful drawings are displayed both at home and in my work office.

Havana owns a big part of my heart.  She will always be my  baby girl.  As Havana turns ten I look forward to seeing more of that sweet, sensitive, big hearted and creative girl emerge. 

Sedona, Arizona. 2 year, 2 months.

                                                               

A huge milestone, standing on this at the park and the first time I snapped a photo with her tongue out. Years later, this would become standard in her attempt to rebel against my endless photo taking!

At cousin Reba's wedding. 2014

Hawaii, several years back. Maybe 2015.

                                                                   

Just past her 8th birthday; Outside Multnomah Falls, Oregon. Havana always goes back to center with her dolls and quite, creative time.

Just past her 9th birthday. Her AG doll had just come back from the hospital. We dropped her off while in Denver. Havana was thrilled her doll was back to her normal self!

 And this is Havana Ruby Modesta, just a few days shy of her tenth year around the sun!

Last Day of School~2019~

  School is officially out for the summer (although we have several days till Summer officially starts!) This year flew by quicker than I could wrap my head around. Ever since I started working at Kaiser and can no longer pick the girls up from school, I feel like I am less connected to their school life. I try to stay connected on my Fridays off and help out when I can with school events. And still, I feel more disconnected than I would like, which I think makes the year zoom by all the more quickly. 

Both girls worked super hard in school. Havana had some academic growing pains moving to the Upper Elementary (UE). Yet with diligence in her work, along with support from teachers and an outside tutor, she made strides in her work. Initially quite concerned I had an IEP done for her. Thankfully everything was normal. She continued to work her but off and I could see her confidence bloom as she became more proficient in math and language (what most call English) works. 

Havana is a social girl and her relationships with her peers is equally or maybe more important. There was some on-going drama going at times with her current girl crew but she was able to form new relationships with some of the older classmates which she just loved. Havana can be quite shy but when she gets to know you she is quick witted, loyal and sometimes a bit bossy. All of these things played into her social life in UE this year. 

Amara had challenges of a social nature this school year. Some of her close friends moved to Middle School (MS) and that transition, them moving on and cutting her off for the most part, left her feeling abandoned, hurt and confused. There were many painful, tearful moments. Yet it allowed for many conversations about friendships and changes as well as people needing time and space to grow in their own ways. It was a long process resulting in the girls all coming back together at the end of the year. Different but still connected. Next year, when reunited in MS, it'll be interesting how it all plays out again. Amara also struggled with having only one close friend remaining in UE. This led to discussions about opening up to new relationships; getting to know kids better that she had not previously and accepting the fact that UE may not be her best social year in school. She did not like that and there were many wearisome evenings after school during the Fall. Amara ended up focusing on her work and as always thrived in that area. She became a strong leader in UE, always completing her work on time or early, looking out for peers and planning some school events. Then before we knew it, she started to form some new relationships, with those she thought would never happen including some of the boys. UE ended up a great year for Amara. 

So here we are almost at the end of June. Birthdays this month and the end of another school year. This life goes by in the blink of an eye. I think that is why I write these blog posts; to capture the feelings and memories because life flows by so quickly but I do not want to lose the feelings and memories that mean so much in the now.

Below, last day of school photos, June 14, 2019

                                                                             

And Below 1st Day of School Fall 2018

CRAYON (aka Amara)

Last summer, Amara got to pick her Girl Scout name. This was a very big deal!  Amara had talked about her GS name for years. There were things that had to happen though. She had to be going into 6th grade and she had to attend both weeks of camp, along with completion of training for being a CIT (counselor in training). She had a small binder with things she had to learn. As always, Amara took her tasks seriously. Each day after camp she proudly showed me what she had accomplished.

In order to get a camp name, Amara had to submit three name choices and hope for her favorite. She choose Crayon #1, Bay leaf  #2 (Aunt Kim/Uncle Timmy are you laughing?!) and I forget the last (oops!). Big Sis did countless somersaults when she got her first choice. She then proceeded to ask us for a hat to show off her new name. It took almost a year but here it is. Great job by Mr. Hoodbrush on Etsy and now Amara is ready for Girl Scout camp with her sharp new hat!

Girl Scouts ~Spring Adventures ~2019

It was a more scaled back but fun Spring with our Girl Scout troop. Cadet's worked on their Tree Badge, Havana as the only Junior went to the Zoo for her Animal Habitats Badge and Brownies did some work on their journey. Together we learned new songs, did some crafts, went ice skating at the Schultz Museum for fun on the ice and work on the naturalist badge. We did a some communication workshop, completed the comic artist badge as well as partaking in some science based events. Fun combined with valuable skills that support these amazing girls in being who they are meant to be. 

We had not hiked recently and that poking at me. It's important for the girls to get outside in the natural world so before we went out for our post cookie sale dinner celebration we took a lovely hike by the Pinole beach front. The girls are growing up fast but it was lovely to witness how they  still appreciate nature, will pick up trash and look out for each other. Some of these girls have been in together since day one (seven years ago!) and other's new, yet they still see each other as their Girl Scout sisters!

Next year the girls want to sell even more cookies (oy vey) and/or fund raise so we can do some traveling. Cadets will work on their Silver badge and our newly bridged to Juniors will work on their journey as well. We may be brave to tackle the Bronze badge for them. Either way, it's Girl Lead and we always have a really good time.

NY style pizza at Warrior Pizza to celebrate over 3000 boxes sold!

Pt. Pinole

Comic Badge at the Creativity Museum.

Annual Council Dance.

Cadet's working on Comic Art Badge

That is a giant size Thin Mint box at the NorCal offices.

At the SF zoo; a first time visit for us that was sweet and educational. 

Technically winter but it's not Girl Scouts without cookie selling.

Pesach 2019

 It's been two months since we had our Passover Cedar with the Hauser-Brown clan and I am just now finding the time to reflect on it. This life sure is a busy one. I wonder if time went quickly or slowly for those in bondage so long ago? If the days felt long but the years slipped by in an instant?

This year, Steve presented the story of Passover in a way that was relevant and meaningful to our modern times. He reflected how the migration of the Jews out of bondage in Egypt was not unlike the migration of those leaving their homes of our southern neighbors. Both left what they knew to escape brutal living conditions in search a more peaceful, abundant life. A life in which they could live freely physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Steve gave us much to ponder on and it left me feeling sad that humans have not seemed to evolve very much but also thankful that we are aware and open hearted to the plight of those both similar and different than ourselves.

 Alissa and Justin did a fabulous job on the table decorations that reflected some of the more important aspects of Passover (the plagues). They were creative and thoughtful as well as kid friendly. For those of us who have sat through what seemed day long cedars, their entire take on it made it more meaningful and digestible for all of us, but especially the kids. 

The story of Passover was so long ago but the cedar we partook in brought it into modern times in a way that our kids could learn and grow from. It was gently powerful. To have a yummy vegetarian food (after what did not feel like days!) was the icing on the matzo cake!

Lesser Locks

Not that long ago, I wrote a blog piece about my struggles with keeping Havana from becoming Rasta Havana (you can read about that here https://twosmallgems.blogspot.com/2019/04/rasta-havana.html). Soon after, Havana approached me with a request for a haircut.  She wanted a shorter do.I told that we could do that but waited several days to see if that was a fleeting idea. Nope. She asked me not once but two more times before I questioned her motives. She wanted to cut her hair because she thought it would be easier to maintain and thought it would look nice. How could I not support that? But in all honesty, despite the nightly arm aches, I had grown attached to her longer locks. At the same time, I wanted to honor her independence in making this decision.

Off we went to the local Supercuts and off went a large portion of Havana's hair. I think it was a bit startling at first, for all of us, but we not only got used to it rather quickly, we all relished the evening hours without the hair combing drama. It may have been my arm about to fall off but Don and Amara had to withstand the protests. The new found peace was lovely!

Havana looked even more darling than her usual darling self with her shorter locks and we now find her coming her hair, on her own, without any encouragement.

Post haircut.

The last time Havana cut her hair. Adorable, isn't she?!! (biased? not me!)

12!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every June, as my precious two small gems near another years walk around the sun, I pour through the countless photos that I have taken of them, over the course of their young, short lives. Each year, I relish the memories of their first days, months and years. 

I miss those days. My heart aches at times, to go back in time, even if for a few hours. I wish I could watch them play in the bath, or carry one of them in the Ergo or go to story time at the library. I miss my Wednesday and Fridays off with them, when we'd be the park both alone or with friends, go to a music class or just taking naps together at nap time. 

There is great joy in current ages too; We not only cook together but the girls can plan and shop for recipes. The girls and I have bonded in deep and intimate ways (esp Amara who is older and can communicate a bit more maturely). We have traveled since their first months but now it's far easier and more meaningful. The girls help pack and prepare. They don't need a much attention on flights. Most rewarding is that they remember our journeys and we share what we each experience along the way. I see them reading longer and longer chapter books, which makes this voracious reader of a mom just delighted. We play more complex board games, although I still ask them to play Candy-land, and it's both more fun and a challenge to go shopping for clothing. We enjoy pedicures and foot massages now they are old enough to appreciate and still still for them.

And still, there are days when I wish we could still enjoy the younger years. 

Amara's birthday is the beginning of June so I always start with her. It's both exciting and shocking to look back her first days and to see how much she has grown and changed in such a short period of time. This year she turns twelve. Twelve. It has gone by so fast and yet so slow. It feels like decades ago that I was sick with hypermimesis and yet still delivered that 9 pound 2 oz bundle of energy. 

From the beginning, Amara has been one of the most observant, energetic, sharp, articulate and creative young persons I have ever met. She has continued to thrive at school, working hard and diligently on everything she does in her Montessori classroom. She can be a bit bossy but at school she channels that into being a great 6th year leader (we have mixed age classrooms; This year the girls are together at it's 4-6 years) who is also a buddy to a a 1st year student. Each week she goes to the lower elementary classroom (1st-3rd years) and helps her buddy with classwork. She also has a pal in KT, whom she is especially fond of and makes the effort to spend time with him. Over this past year, I have see her plan and execute ideas, such as co-planning a 6th year trip to the food bank or helping with the class carnival, which raises money for charities. 

Amara is a thoughtful young lady who continues to ask a gazillion questions and gets anxious when she has to sit with the unknown. She still gets out of sorts when she feels pressure (most of it self-imposed), thinks she is sick or has "drama" with her peers (that's a very recent, new thing in our lives). We have worked purposely this year to help her to learn how to connect with feelings and to communicate them instead of her go-to meltdowns. It's an ongoing process but there has been significant progress. 

The most challenging and obvious changes are the ones physically and socially. Amara is a tween now, going into puberty. Bodies drastically change during this time and she is no exception. With hormones raging come shifts in bodies, moods and a sudden exploration and interest in things she was previously oblivious too. We are currently learning to navigate that along with the social interactions with peers around texting, jealousy amongst friends, crushes and her drive to look good with nice clothing (she has is currently partial to anything camouflage and crop tops, which we limit!)

So yes, I wish for the sweet, earlier years but honestly, I love watching Amara bloom into herself. It's difficult at times for this mama. I am learning so much and at times I have to lean on my parent friends for guidance but having my Amara Pearl in my life truly remains one of the greatest joys I have ever had and for that I most humbled and grateful beyond words.

Happy 12th Birthday Amara Pearl Josephine! 

(Below is glimpse of her through her young years)

4 weeks old!

8 months old and already a seasoned traveler. Luvey too!

Noticing something in the distance on a Hawaiian beach. From the beginning, not much got past her. That girl truly has eagle eyes!

Kauai, Amara, 2 and Havana, 4 months. She may be smiling because she slid her sister down. There was (is) a lot love/hate going on from day one with Havana Ruby!

Yosemite. An appropriate photo. You (still) can't stop Amara!

Camping trip at Lake De Valle

           

Cousin Reba's wedding, Dana Point, So-Cal. She still gives me those looks!

MFS Concert, 2nd year

Age 10. Amara has loved gymnastics since she was a toddler. She still attends class every Monday after school but has been at a new gym the past two years.

Ferry to Koh Chang, Thailand, December 2018