12!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every June, as my precious two small gems near another years walk around the sun, I pour through the countless photos that I have taken of them, over the course of their young, short lives. Each year, I relish the memories of their first days, months and years. 

I miss those days. My heart aches at times, to go back in time, even if for a few hours. I wish I could watch them play in the bath, or carry one of them in the Ergo or go to story time at the library. I miss my Wednesday and Fridays off with them, when we'd be the park both alone or with friends, go to a music class or just taking naps together at nap time. 

There is great joy in current ages too; We not only cook together but the girls can plan and shop for recipes. The girls and I have bonded in deep and intimate ways (esp Amara who is older and can communicate a bit more maturely). We have traveled since their first months but now it's far easier and more meaningful. The girls help pack and prepare. They don't need a much attention on flights. Most rewarding is that they remember our journeys and we share what we each experience along the way. I see them reading longer and longer chapter books, which makes this voracious reader of a mom just delighted. We play more complex board games, although I still ask them to play Candy-land, and it's both more fun and a challenge to go shopping for clothing. We enjoy pedicures and foot massages now they are old enough to appreciate and still still for them.

And still, there are days when I wish we could still enjoy the younger years. 

Amara's birthday is the beginning of June so I always start with her. It's both exciting and shocking to look back her first days and to see how much she has grown and changed in such a short period of time. This year she turns twelve. Twelve. It has gone by so fast and yet so slow. It feels like decades ago that I was sick with hypermimesis and yet still delivered that 9 pound 2 oz bundle of energy. 

From the beginning, Amara has been one of the most observant, energetic, sharp, articulate and creative young persons I have ever met. She has continued to thrive at school, working hard and diligently on everything she does in her Montessori classroom. She can be a bit bossy but at school she channels that into being a great 6th year leader (we have mixed age classrooms; This year the girls are together at it's 4-6 years) who is also a buddy to a a 1st year student. Each week she goes to the lower elementary classroom (1st-3rd years) and helps her buddy with classwork. She also has a pal in KT, whom she is especially fond of and makes the effort to spend time with him. Over this past year, I have see her plan and execute ideas, such as co-planning a 6th year trip to the food bank or helping with the class carnival, which raises money for charities. 

Amara is a thoughtful young lady who continues to ask a gazillion questions and gets anxious when she has to sit with the unknown. She still gets out of sorts when she feels pressure (most of it self-imposed), thinks she is sick or has "drama" with her peers (that's a very recent, new thing in our lives). We have worked purposely this year to help her to learn how to connect with feelings and to communicate them instead of her go-to meltdowns. It's an ongoing process but there has been significant progress. 

The most challenging and obvious changes are the ones physically and socially. Amara is a tween now, going into puberty. Bodies drastically change during this time and she is no exception. With hormones raging come shifts in bodies, moods and a sudden exploration and interest in things she was previously oblivious too. We are currently learning to navigate that along with the social interactions with peers around texting, jealousy amongst friends, crushes and her drive to look good with nice clothing (she has is currently partial to anything camouflage and crop tops, which we limit!)

So yes, I wish for the sweet, earlier years but honestly, I love watching Amara bloom into herself. It's difficult at times for this mama. I am learning so much and at times I have to lean on my parent friends for guidance but having my Amara Pearl in my life truly remains one of the greatest joys I have ever had and for that I most humbled and grateful beyond words.

Happy 12th Birthday Amara Pearl Josephine! 

(Below is glimpse of her through her young years)

4 weeks old!

8 months old and already a seasoned traveler. Luvey too!

Noticing something in the distance on a Hawaiian beach. From the beginning, not much got past her. That girl truly has eagle eyes!

Kauai, Amara, 2 and Havana, 4 months. She may be smiling because she slid her sister down. There was (is) a lot love/hate going on from day one with Havana Ruby!

Yosemite. An appropriate photo. You (still) can't stop Amara!

Camping trip at Lake De Valle

           

Cousin Reba's wedding, Dana Point, So-Cal. She still gives me those looks!

MFS Concert, 2nd year

Age 10. Amara has loved gymnastics since she was a toddler. She still attends class every Monday after school but has been at a new gym the past two years.

Ferry to Koh Chang, Thailand, December 2018