New York State of Mind

 

Amara and worked nonstop while in Florida, sorting, packing, organizing, donating, cleaning, all while making sure Nana got visits daily. It was exhausting and we were drained. When we were done with Florida, we still had some work to be do up the East Coast. We headed to New York, where I had to take care of other family related business. Amara could only stay a few days as she had to get back for pre-school event. We took the opportunity to have some fun while there. We had worked our tails off in Florida, had more work to do in New York, but Amara had not been to New York since she was eight years old. I wanted to make sure she would have time to be rewarded for all that hard work. She stepped up in a big way and deserved some fun time. And, she had been my assistant photographer at a Bat Mitzvah the day of the night we left. She was paid with a Broadway ticket to And, Juliet. She more than earned that and more. Her time in New York but short but very sweet

We took the time to take care of business. We then headed up to Woodstock to see my spiritual teacher/mother Bella. Bella is in her eighties now and I knew it was imperative to see her while in New York. End of life, mortality, being in the moment all these things were in the forefront of my mind for months due to dealing with Nana. Because of this I also knew it was imperative that Amara spend time with Bella now, as a young adult. She barely remembered her two previous years ago when she was a young child. There were things she might learn now, from her more mature self,  with time spent with Bella, on top of the sacred mountain she calls home. I hope for a meaningful visit did not go unmet.

We were able to sit for hours one afternoon, just talking about life and spiritual matters. Amara was attentive and engaged when we exchanged our thoughts, feelings and experiences. That evening, our weekly class was held (we have been meeting on zoom for the entire pandemic for weekly class; to be in person was lovely). The topic was on giving; when do we give in our lives and to whom to we give and why. Again, Amara joined us, taking in some important spiritual teachings, while doing her own inquiry. Having Amara participate filled my heart with deep gratitude. Things of a spiritual nature, doing inquiry to heal and evolve, they are the things that take up most of my life.  I incorporate things into our daily life and have since the girls were wee ones. But spiritual classes and such have been something I do by myself. To bring Amara into that fold, it planted a seed that I know will grown into her having her own process for learning and inquiry, as she moves forward into  adulthood and her own life’s journey. Sharing in time with Bella, having class, such being on the sacred land, I felt a significant shift in our relationship.  We have always been very close. However, Amara is almost an adult and it felt like we were even sharing more deeply, more authentically and the level of spiritually felt more solid and more connecting. It was a beautiful time for us both.

We had little time on the mountain but Amara felt a warm and sweetness with Bella. It filled my heart that they spent time together. Bella, having been my teacher since age 17, now had a relationship with Amara, at age 16. They had met a couple of times when she was little. But, she was little. This time together allowed for them to meet as equals (almost, Bella is the teacher and the elder) and that meant more to me than words can express or any material matter. (And I knew I had to plan a time for Havana to get to the mountain as well.)

While Upstate, I was most blessed to have time to connect with my tribe. It was quite moving that my people, who knew I had such limited time, made time in their days or nights, to drive distances for a meal or to join at class at Bella's. Vincenza and Anita drove an hour from Albany for dinner, which was filled with lots of jokes and laughter, along with further deep and authentic conversations. Amara had meet them (and all the NY peeps) years ago but had a stronger relationship as they came and spent time with us one summer, a few years back. We also had time with several other friends. I was glad Amara got to see people who mean so much to me. I was hopeful that seeing this part of my life would allow her to know me better. My own mother, she kept her friends on a pedestal and kept that pedestal hidden away. There was her ever important social life and then us. I treasure my tribe and I treasure my two small gems. I could never separate the two. So while there it has been appropriate for me to connect adult to adult, having Amara spend time with them, where she was engaged, where they found interest in her and her life, where she learned some of my history; this I felt even further deepened our relationship. All the while, I was showing her places to put together with the countless stories she heard (hiking by the Hudson River; driving by the Garrison Institute where I spent a week doing a CE training, having a breakfast sandwich at favorite deli) and more. I loved having Amara with me and I loved showing her around to my world. My New York world.

When we were in the City we made the best of her 1 1/2 days there. We went to that play. It was fabulous. Being with Amara heightened the experience but we were sad the rest of the family was not present and talked about seeing it in SF if it came to the West Coast. During that day, we walked 18,000 steps with my cousin Jessie, to find Taylor Swift’s New York houses (that is a blog post in and off itself). We had dinner at a Chinese vegetarian in my beloved Chinatown, sharing our favorite dishes. We topped that off with a foot massage at the best foot massage place outside of Thailand. Amara really needed that massage, she had a blister on her aching feet, having walked so far to see TS’s homes! We also walked around the Chelsea neighborhood we were staying in with my friend Mark and two of his kids. Spending time with those two young people was priceless. Amara had a lot in common with 15 year old Ally and 6 year old Gabriel, well, he is one very special little person, who is bright and meant for big things. Together, we broke bread together at our favorite bagel shop, Murrays and hit up Strand books. We scrapped plans to "do something" and just took in the sites as we walked and talked, enjoying our simple but meaningful.

 Amara had some vague memories of some of thee places we visited, having been 8 when she was last in New York. When we went into a store in Chinatown and headed down the bottom level, she said, “Have I been here before? It feels like I was here before.” Yes, I told her, twice before. When she was 6 and then 8. I then told her I had been shopping in that same store since I was about 17 or 18 years old. While my memories were not hers, she made her own when she found some gifts for friends that she knew they would not find anywhere else. I loved that we now had memories, albeit different ones, in a place I hold special.

Amara loved Washington Square Park. She realized that her formed favorite show, “Jesse”, the building was filmed by the park. “Look that's the Jesse building” and so we took photos! We passed by NY School of Law and popped in for a second to take a look. We walked from Chelsea to Tribeca to Chinatown (those 18,000 steps), where she took in everything around her. Amara's passion for life and adventure is palpable. As exhausted as I was that day,  seeing through New York through her eyes, it made the day in New York feel a first for me. At one point, she decided she might want to go to school in New York, with Aniyah of course! 

One of the more moving movements for me was when I went to my dads old office building on 39th & Broadway, prior to the theatre. I had told the family for years how close to Times Square it was but she was surprised how close it really was! And I was surprised that I broke out in tears the minute I walked into the lobby of 1412 Broadway. We were not able to go up to the 12th floor but just going inside with Amara, showing her the place I reference so often, it was both special and sad. My dad would loved the girls and being there, in that place where he worked for twenty years, so he could provide a good life for us, one that led me to where I was today, it brought up a lot of feelings. Especially in light that my mom has been so ill, had to move and I was (still) taking care of her affairs while we were in New York. It took a minute to regroup but the bright lights of Time Square quickly distracted us. Amara was mesmerized and slightly overwhelmed by the bright lights and noise but we were both glad she had that experience. The play was on 43rd so we walked back through afterwards on our way back to Chelsea. The cab right back afforded even more excitement. The driver, from East Africa, shared stories with us. When we got out Amara said, “Now I know where you learned to drive” and noted how nice people were, even if initially a bit gruff. "Kind of like me," I responded. "Yes", she replied. We fell asleep that night, in our cozy third floor walkup hotel room exhausted but filled with good feelings. After all that hard work, it was good to go to sleep tired from pleasure instead of pain.

I sit on the board of directors for the Redemption Center in Queens and we meet on zoom,  for our meetings. I took the opportunity to arrange a BOD meeting in person while there. I planned that after Amara left. I had things to do and I did not want her to be bored. It was a productive working meeting and allowed me more time in the City. I also spent time catching up with some old friends I had not seen in years. Lunch or dinner dates allowed time for further deep and authentic connecting while not interfering with day time work and things that needed to get done.

Being in New York, with Amara and alone both, reminded me how much I love New York. How much I want to remain connected to both the City and Upstate. It was a such a joy (even in the more difficult moments surround my mother) to share this with my teenager. She made an impression on all that we met, she took it all in, in strides and made the entire experience just so much easier and better. I loved seeing Amara have that New York State of mind overtake her and I can't wait until we can back and make more memories.