Havana goes to Sleep-Away Camp

                             

For the past several summers (with a break due to Covid-19), Don, Havana and I have sent Amara off to sleep-away camp.  Since they were little, I touted the summer highs of sleep way camp, sharing stories from my experiences and I could not wait until the girls would get on that bus. However, the first time went Amara was bittersweet. I cried at her leaving but also rejoiced because I knew she was lucky to be heading towards a summer adventure that she'd never forget. My doubting spouse questioned how I knew she'd have a good time. I just knew. I knew my girl and I knew how fun camp could be for young people. The independence from parents, making new friends, being in nature, trying new activities, all contribute to counting the days until next summer. 

I wanted Havana to have that same experience. She was a bit too young that first summer Amara went. But with subsequent summers, when she was old enough, she declined. Forcefully. She was not interested. She did not want to be away from home. She just was not ready. And yet, for the past few years, I have still asked each camp registration season, "Havana, do you want to go to sleep away camp?"

This year, as Havana approached thirteen I got a 'maybe'. I could take a maybe. I also know my Baby Girl. She is more introverted, initially shy and needs support. At her new school, she has become close with a girl named Morgan. Morgan and Havana have a lot in common but where Havana is reserved, Morgan has confidence and an inner strength that she can express (Havana reserves that until she knows you!). I thought if Havana could get her pal to join her, it would make going to camp not only more enticing but more enjoyable. Havana having a safe and trusting friend would help her navigate any rough spots.

I reached out to Morgan's mom who was all in. Morgan has been going to sleep away camp since she was much younger so the hesitation that Havana felt was no present. We signed them up and I held my breath. I knew there was a chance Havana could back out. But as we got closer and as her sister helped her get ready with both encouragement and mood, Havana seemed more relaxed about her decision. Still, I could see some nerves.

Then, at long last, it was departure day. We almost missed the bus because I did not know there were two YMCA's in Richmond (and went to the wrong one) but we made it with enough time to take some deep breathes, snap some photos and chit chat with Morgan and her mom. And we found out that one of the counselors was from Jamaica. It all was lining up perfectly!!!

When Havana got ready to get on the bus, I felt the tears form. I knew what a big moment this was for her.  My anxiety about her feeling safe, not getting overstimulated, having enough food she would eat, being warm enough, all those thoughts flooded my head. Then I took another deep breath and I let it all go. I 'saw' Havana having that camp experience I always wished for her.  I am hopeful that she comes home with a big smile, lots of stories and memories that will live in her heart.

(I wrote this and then during the following days saw some photos on-line of Havana at camp. She looks happy and the fact that we have not gotten a phone call is good news. I hope she is having a great time!)

13!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My beautiful Havana is turning 13! We now have two teens in the house, which is hard to fathom. Havana is my baby, no matter what age she turns. And while she will always be my baby girl, I have seen many changes happening before my eyes and I have to accept that she is growing up. Sometimes the changes are happening so fast, I can't keep up.

This past year, Havana started 7th grade in a new school. The change from Montessori was both positive and challenging. Challenging in that the learning style was quite different and that she was behind in math. The positive is that Havana is smart and she quickly acclimated to the new system and got caught up in her academics. She is getting almost straight A's. Socializing she has thrived. She has made a few sweet, loyal, new friends, resulting in walking after school to the plaza and library, stopping for snacks with friends along the way. She also has maintained her relationship with her two closest friends from MFS, which has been important to her.

We have seen Havana grow physically this past year. She is now taller than both her sister and mw! Her shoe size is larger than mind as well and sometimes we share clothing! I love that. She does not. Mentally and emotionally, our sweet Havana is now more aligned with her age. She still has a younger side to her. She still believes in fairies (well, they are real so that makes sense), loves stuffed animals and cartoons. I hope that sweet, naïve side of is always a present part of Havana.

Havana's sense of self is changing as well. How she sees herself, her presentation to the world (clothing style), is changing but she remains a bit shy with others until she gets to know someone. Havana is more of an introvert and that will not change. She is also strong willed and a bit hard headed. Qualities she gets from both her parents. I am learning the best way to approach her when she is in one of her moods. It has not always been a smooth learning path of what works and what does not work, when trying to engage with Havana.  But still I persist. This has once again affirmed, that both my children are my greatest teachers. This past year, more specifically the past few months, I am learning more about myself, which has helped me to better understand Havana and how to have an even stronger relationship with her.

Havana has some amazing qualities. She can bake some award winning cookies and brownies. She is creative and continues to produce beautiful art. And, she is funny as heck. That girl's humor is quick and sometimes biting. She makes us laugh everyday, often many times a day. She loves to read and has taken an interest in medical based television shows. We continue to love show based in Hawaii. We were so sad Magnum P.I. was cancelled but we still enjoy watching NCIS-Hawaii together. We also enjoy Chicago Med and The Good Doctor. Havana says the latter is more realistic and the former, more like a soap opera. I think she is on point with that assessment.

Havana has some not so amazing qualities as well. She struggles with getting out of the house to do hiking or exercise. But once we get her out, she is the one leading the pack. Sometimes there is too much screen time, resulting in my limiting their daily time. Havana continue to be a selective eater but we have seen some improvement in her willingness to try a few new things. It is always a happy dance when she tries something new!

Havana remains the cat whisperer. She loves cats. Cats love Havana. Full stop.

Havana is a bright, shining star. She is also a rainbow of vibrant colors. She is complex, deep and sensitive. She is lovely young lady who is starting to settle into her own skin more and I hope that as this next year moves forward she becomes more confident in her amazingness. I hope that she makes more effort to get out in the world a bit more and that she continues to engage in the things she so enjoys and to start engaging in things that have her interest.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl. I love you more than words. 

Here are some photos of Havana over the past year as well as a few from birth and younger childhood.

Capture This

 

Before Tahiti, Havana expressed an interest in photography. Havana is natural artist and this seemed another medium she would explore and maybe develop. While in Tahiti, Havana joined me on the pier outside our villa to try her hand at capturing some photos. She enjoyed it and maybe in the near future, she and I may take some photography classes together.

Sunset Cruise

 

(Second) Pierced Ears ~Tahiti Style

Amara has been asking for a second ear piercing for about two years. We give her the same answer every time; "When you are sixteen." It seemed like a good number, although I got one second piercing when I went to Israel the summer of my ninth grade of high school.

When we were in Tahiti, Amara brought up the subject again. Especially after she learned that I was getting a tattoo. She’s been asking for one of those too! I repeated the same answer I had for two years, she had to wait. I really wasn’t too fixed on her not getting her ears pierced I just felt like she had to hear no. Sometimes kids can’t get everything that they want and waiting is an important virtue.

Fast forward several days, we had left the beautiful island of Mo’orea and were back on Tahiti. There, we found ourselves in the marketplace trying to do some last-minute shopping. As we headed back towards our transportation, we saw a sign that said Tahitian piercing and tattoo. We stopped and took a look. A bit impulsively, I asked the guy if he could pierce Amara's second hole. She looked at me with a look of shock and asked "Are you serious?" I calmly replied "Sure." I felt intuitively in that moment, that having piercing in such a special place would prove more meaningful. It would be a lifelong souvenir filled with incredible memories.   

It also seemed a wise, practical decision to have done it right then and there versus waiting. My reason being is that if you give Amara's time to think about things, dramatic stories start forming in her head that cause anxiety. I knew that if we did it in the moment, without giving her much time to think, would be a better outcome. There would be no time to ruminate on the worse case scenarios, even though she very much wanted this.  Even still, I saw some thoughts flying about. This was confirmed when looked e again with confused eyes and asked if I was sure. I said I was and  encouraged her to go inside. So inside we went and within five minutes Amara had her second ear piercings. Amara being Amara did almost stopped the lady. With a bit of fear in her eyes, she said, "Maybe I shouldn’t do this." But the lady who going to do the piecing only spoke French and Polynesian. The spontaneity made a big difference and now Amara has ears pierced, again.

Island of Tahiti

There are many islands in French Polynesia. Tahiti, the main island, where all flights come in and out of, is the most urban. We landed there and spent a day/night before heading out. On the last part of our journey, we stayed 3 nights on a black sand beach, close enough to the city, allowing for some shopping before we headed home. We also went on a half day excursion in-land. This gave us the chance to see the emerald green valleys and peaks, some abundant rivers and learn about this history of the Polyneisan peoples. It was just 2 families again, in an open truck type vehicle, allowing for fresh air and good views.

Here are some photos of our last days on Tahiti.

Island Abundance

The Islands of Tahiti are abundant with flora that produce both rich, vibrant flowers as well as incredibly healthy and delicious fruits. We saw countless breadfruit and mango trees.  There were noni and soursop. There were more coconuts than could be ingested.  Bananas, starfruit, abiu, passionfruit and so much more. We had our bellies full each day with many of these life giving nourishments. I have to smile when I think of Creations vast creativity and a sense of humor at the diversity of the plant life on these sacred islands. 

On an evening walk, a local fruit seller gifted me a bunch of finger bananas. I love finger bananas and always look for them when we travel to tropical places. That gift was one of the best gifts I had received in a very long time!

My fruit seller friend who gifted me finger bananas. Maruru.

Polynesian Profiles

The people are Polynesia are a beautiful peoples. Inside and out.  I am no idealist. I am well aware no one person or culture is perfect or ideal. But there was a general warmth, a welcoming and an openness amongst most everyone we encountered. Even when there was a language barrier (I don't speak French or Polynesian so the barrier was on me), there was still a willingness to smile at one another, make eye contact and have an open heart. I was quite grateful to those that allowed me to photograph them and those that said, "No" I thanked them for their boundaries and moved on. These are just a few of the beautiful people I had the good fortune to meet or interact with.