Amber Eyes

Ever since Havana was born with her bright blue eyes, I have heard many a comment about those "beautiful, blue eyes." Many of these comments have been many right in front of her sister, whose faces saddens when she hears that. Sometimes I reply "Thank you but her sister's eyes are pretty too" in an attempt to enlighten the unaware that they are giving one child a compliment while ignoring the other. Sometimes I don't say anything at all but inwardly I am shaking my head. As a mama, I make sure I love my girls equally. To have one singled out so often and the other ignored leaves me feeling sad. Sure, there will be strengths that one has and the other doesn't but the way our culture is with beauty and looks, I am not only sad but a little disturbed by it. I don't want Amara longing for something she doesn't have. I want her to be happy, and comfortable, with who she is and how she looks. I let her know daily just how beautiful she is.

Still, I know this has bothered her and it wasn't long before she told me, "Mama, my eyes are blue on the inside." That just broke my heart. I looked at her and told her, "Amara, you have the most gorgeous brown eyes I have ever seen. You don't need to have blue eyes on the inside. You are perfect just the way you are."  We talked about how she felt about her not getting compliments and in her (then) 3 year old way, was able to express that this bothered her. And, being a little one, we had this same conversation several times until....

When Amara was about 3 we were at Trader Joe's when someone looked at her and said, "You have the prettiest brown eyes." I wish I had a video recorder to document the look on Amara's face and the shift in her body language. Big Sister's face lit up, the biggest smile broke out, she tilted her head to one side, pushed her little hip out and said in the sweetest voice, "Thank You." I could have kissed that woman!

Now, let me be clear that I want my girls to get their feeling of comfort and acceptance from themselves first. I don't want them to grow up seeking external approval. That is insanity.  But at this age, some external approval is crucial in building the foundation for a strong core of self-love. So, yes, I could have kissed that woman in Trader Joe's for in thirty seconds, she did what we call my profession something that was emotionally corrective. Or more simply, healing.

The most remarkable thing though is that Amara's eyes have been changing. They are no longer light brown. They look to me like amber.  We have gone through my jewelery so she knows what amber is and she ooh's and ahh's at how pretty it is. And, yes, of course, I tell her, "Well that is what your eyes look like, my love." I have begun calling her 'my amber eyes', much to her delight.

I am sure the eye compassion will continue for many years (and I now wonder if my brother felt the same way towards me) but in our family we will celebrate our differences and make sure everyone knows they are beautiful and unique in their own special way.