Make New Friends But Keep The Old...

Georgia, 2012

About 9 1/2 years ago I went for a walk around our old neighborhood. I had Amara in the ergo and was about 3 months pregnant with Havana. As I turned a corner, I spied a pregnant woman also talking a walk. A pregnant woman in my neighborhood. That was rare. My natural curiosity go the best of me, so that and my friendly self caught up with stranger and made introductions.

Her name was Valerie and she had recently moved to the Bay Area with her Air Force husband Brian. Bran was newly stationed in Berkeley with the Air Force ROTC program and settled in just down the street from us. Valerie and I talked a bit. I learned she was an author and that she was due very soon. I got her card and we went our ways with promises to meet up again soon.

We connected again, however it was after their son Eli was born. Even as new parents, their Southern hospitality reached out and had us over for supper. I initially was not sure what we might have in common with Southern, military folks. However, once again, the Universe conspired to remind me that we can never judge a book by it's cover. Both Valerie and her husband proved to be open minded, open hearted, generous and kind people.

Over the course of the four years they were stationed here, Val became a dear friend. Our kids played together; she helped me get my mom's group to grow even bigger and eventually was one of two others who got our babysitting group off the ground. While we navigated parenthood we shared own our journeys. Together we found many common denominators from a love of photography and writing (she is far better and accomplished), adventure and the importance of feeding one's soul and building community.

When it was time for Valerie, Brian and Eli to return to Georgia it was hard to adjust. I often lament over the lack of community, sincerity and scarcity of deeper human connections here in the Bay Area, where we may be progressive and liberal yet our roots do not go far below the surface. To lose a rare connection, well it was a sharp pill to swallow.

I am a loyalist however and so is Val. So not too long after they returned to their Southern roots, our family made a trip to Southern Georgia to visit the girls great grandmother and great uncle (on my side). We made sure we met up with our old friends for a rejuvenating Fall hike and lunch together before we said our goodbyes again.

Brian and a wee Eli

A couple of years later, during a layover in Atlanta, Val and Eli drove to the airport to say hello. We had less than an hour together but typical Valerie brought some goodies for the kids to play with on the long flight to Buenos Aires. Little things like that, they mean more than expensive gifts. Once again, I saw the similarities between my friend and I; honoring a friendship and going out of one's way to say hello. And even though our visit was short, it sure was good to see them. It was also good opportunity for the girls to learn that when it comes to people you care about you make the effort to spend time with them and that this is something that works both ways. For relationships are about give and take.

About two years ago we got o see each other again when I headed to Georgia to celebrate my grandmother's 90th. This time however, I drove the two hour drive to Val's home in Athens where I got to spend the night and then had a short but lovely morning visit as Brian gave me the tour of their beloved hometown. It felt good to see a place that means so much to someone who has has meant a lot to me.

And now, the ever adventurous Valerie has embarked on a 40 day cross country road trip with a now 9 1/2 year old Eli. I was thrilled when we got to  To see how his face has morphed into a little man; to be able to swap stories about his Montessori school and ours, and to see the kids pick up where they left off, even though their memories are vague, well it brought a smile to my heart. And it urged me to write the story of how I met Valerie and her family and what friendships are about. I want my girls to know that true friendships don't come easy but are worth the effort to maintain; that there are ups and downs in any real friendship; that there may be physical distances that cause long gaps between face to face visits but when you see each other again, you can sit in the yard and talk about things deep and meaningful and it will not feel like it has been six years since you lived down the street from each other. I want my girls to know that a true friend will always be in one's heart and that something that is to cherished.